


a step behind

by liamsbumm



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Artist Louis, Bottom Harry, Dissociative Identity Disorder, Drug Use, M/M, Multiple Personality Disorder, Self harm reference, also i hate that the tags make this seem more depressing than it is, also who knows my writing is probably actual shit, but its VERY MILD, crop top louis, ethan has depression, hahahahhahahahhhahahhhahahah i love being a sadistic writer, its sad but not like extremely depressing, logan is gender queer, niall is a good ass friend, probably medical inaccuracies but I'm trying, sfx
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-11-21
Updated: 2016-06-15
Packaged: 2018-05-02 16:25:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 8
Words: 32,954
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5255231
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/liamsbumm/pseuds/liamsbumm
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>just another larry fic. harry has MPD/DID (multiple personality disorder/disociative identity disorder and louis is harrys boyfriend whose trying to help. things get in the way.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Louis wakes up at 7am on weekdays and 10am on weekends, first showering, then making tea and breakfast for two. Everyday he wakes him up with a kiss on the lips and says, "How are you feeling today?" with a soft smile. He gets a range of different answers, depending on the day. From Ethan it's, "I can't today, I don't want to do it anymore, I hate it." From Logan it's, "Will you help me choose my outfit and perfume today?" served with a smile. And from Harry it's, "Good morning Lou. I've got to call my boss and find out what time I work today. How are you feeling?" He would ask as he took the tea (the one in a plain black mug) from Louis. 

Today it was Harry, and Louis smiled wide once heard the words come from his pink lips. "I feel great today. I'm glad you're you this morning." He sat down on the bed next to him. Harry smiled at him and gave him a soft kiss on the lips. Then he grabbed his phone and called his boss as Louis drank his tea and watched Harry. "Hello Michael," Harry said. "Yeah, what time would you like me in for work?" "Yeah, I can be there at 8:45... okay, see you later." Harry hung up and turned to Louis. "What time are you going to head to the warehouse?" The warehouse is only a block or so away from their small house in London and it was where Louis worked on his sculptures and art work. "Well I'm working on a sculpture right now but I'm actually ahead of my schedule, so I can stay home and spend the rest of the morning with you," Louis said. "Well.. should we make the most of our morning and go grocery shopping then?" Harry asks. "Yeah, I love getting spend time with /you/ Harry." Louis said and he finished the last of his tea and took the half empty one out of Harry's hand. Harry was never capable of finishing a full cup, but any time Louis put less than that Harry would complain about that not being enough. 

Louis left the room to put the cups in the sink and once he came into the room Harry was already stood in their walk-in closet. "What's the temperature today, Lou?" He asked and Louis stood in the doorway of the closet, leaning against it. "It's uh, we're actually in luck today, it's supposed to be up in the high 20's (celsius). Although right now its about 9 degrees outside." He responds. "Hmm, does that mean you'll be wearing a crop top today?" Harry grinned at louis because those were his favorite on Lou. "Maybe," Louis said and slid behind Harry to get to the crop tops. Harry slipped out of his basketball shorts he was in and stepped into black skinny jeans. Louis pointed to the stack of his jeans and Harry handed a pair to him. Harry grabbed a white t shirt with a small pocket on it. "Lou?' Harry called to Louis who was still in the closet. "Yeah?" He said back. "Will you choose a pair of shoes for me?" Harry asked. He brought out a pair of black vans. "Vans?" Harry questioned but he started putting them on anyway. "Well, I'm wearing this crop top for you, you can wear vans for me," Louis said as he slipped on his black adidas crop top. 

Louis drove them to their local grocery store and they hopped out of the car and walked into the store. Harry grabbed a trolley and walked next to louis as they went around grabbing various foods. Louis would put a box of mini cupcakes and a bag of cookies in, "Louis! Stop putting rubbish food in the trolley!" Harry would screech as he would put the food back on the shelf. But louis just went around behind harry and put it back in the trolley with a sly grin.

"I'm gonna go grab some spinach, okay? /Don't/ put anymore cookies in the trolley." Harry gave Louis a pointed look and Lou smiled cheekily, mouth closed. Harry walked down 7 aisles before finding the produce. After grabbing a bag of spinach he turned around and a girl bumped into him. "Watch where you're going next time, God." He snapped. The girl look frightened by his tone. "Sorry," she said and walked away. "Harry, I grabbed some Greek yogurt cause I know that you like it." Louis said, coming up behind him. "Why are you talking to me you fag?" He said to Louis. Louis immediately dropped his smile. "We should go, Ethan. I need to call Michael." Louis said sadly. 

"I don't want to go anywhere with some ugly gay," he said. "Ethan, we have to go." Louis said as he pushed the trolley to the side and grabbed Harry, pulling him to the car. 

"I want to sleep," Ethan complained. Louis picked up his Phone and called Michael. "Louis?" Michael answered. "Yeah, hi Michael, um, Harry is, um, he's not here right now, he's uh Ethan now.. Would you like me to keep him home today?" Louis said, as he looked over at Ethan who was staring out the window angrily. "I need a black jacket, where's my black jacket?" Ethan asked as he turned around and searched the back seat for his black hoody he always keeps there for this specific reason. "Ethan put your seat belt back on, you're gonna get yourself killed." Louis yelled trying to pull him back down. 

"It's not like I care," Ethan said as he slumped into the seat. Louis handed him a black sweater sitting on the floor by his feet. "Sorry," Louis said into the phone. "Actually if he can, I'd like him to still come into work, he can take it a bit easy but I'd like to have him around today," Michael said. "Oh okay, yeah um I'll drop him off at 8:30." Louis said. "Thank you, Louis." Michael said and hung up as Louis pulled into the driveway of their small home. Ethan walked straight into their bedroom and lied down on the bed. "Ethan, I'm gonna take you to work in a half hour." Louis said. "No, I'm sleeping today," he groaned. "No, actually you're not. Michael wants you at work today." Louis said as he pulled out his laptop and sat at the desk in the bedroom. Ethan stayed asleep for the next half hour while Louis wrote.

Eventually Louis woke him up. "Ethan.." Louis said shaking him, hoping he would be Harry again. "What?" He said face still smushed into a pillow. "You gotta go to work, let's go." Louis said. Ethan sleepily got up and went straight to the passenger seat of the car. Louis was glad Ethan wasn't putting up a fight today. Once Louis was sat in the drivers seat he pulled out of the driveway. "I'm cold," Ethan mumbled. "Here," Louis said as he was stopped at a light and took off his black hoodie. Ethan put it on over his other black sweater he was still wearing from earlier. "Thanks," Ethan said but still with a scowl on his face because of the fact that he was now wearing a gay boys hoodie. After a few minutes Louis stopped and told him they were here. "Bye," Ethan said and slammed the door shut before Louis could say anything.

He walked quickly up to the elevator and got off at floor 15. He exited into a large dark painted room, with white lights. "Hello.. Ethan?" Cassie, who was a fashion consultant at YSL HQ, said, questioning if it was who she thought it was based on his clothes. "Hi," he said, but kept walking. "Ethan, hi, how are you today?" Michael asks coming up to him. "Hi Michael, I'm um, I'm tired today." He says. "I'm sorry to hear about that. So today I was thinking we would get you started on helping Eleena with some clothing stuff, help her sort out ideas for London fashion week, does that sound good?" Michael said walking over to where Eleena was looking at a large stack of clothes and sorting through them. "I, uh, yeah." Ethan said. "Hi Harry! You're going to be working with me today, yeah?" Eleena said to him. "It's Ethan." He responded. "Sorry about that," she smiled to him. Harry and Eleena had met in early college years and she knew about his disorder but she was never much of one that payed a whole lot of attention to small details. "Okay so I'll leave you two to it then." Michael said as he patted Ethan on the back and walked away. "Okay, so which of these two jackets do you think would look better with these pants?" Eleena pointed to the clothes. Ethan just shrugged. Eleena sighed, "Ethan, you have to be cooperative today, don't be like this, just be happy and be yourself." She said. "I don't choose to be this way Eleena, I don't choose to be depressed when I'm Ethan and I don't choose to be Ethan. Don't you get that I hate being Ethan. I can't even look at my own boyf- Louis." He said, Ethan was incapable of calling Louis his boyfriend seeing as how homophobic he was. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that, I just, I hate it when you're sad and you wont help or do anything. I mean normally you would be stoked to be working on something for the London fashion week." She said.


	2. Chapter 2

TW: this chapter very briefly mentions suicide

Louis walked into his ware house and dropped his bag down, he had changed out of his crop top and put on a dark grey sweater. Pushing up his sleeves, he pulled out the clay sculpture he had been working on for the past 4 days. He ripped back the plastic covering it to keep it from drying and huffed. He leaned forward, putting all of his upper body weight on his hands as they pushed onto the table. He stared at the piece for a minute until getting frustrated and bringing his hands up to pull his hair.

He was tired of having to see harry like this. Harry never wanted to get help. But seeing Harry change 4 times a day, it broke his heart every time. The longest time Harry had gone (since meeting Louis) without changing was 11 months ago and it lasted 6 days. He was Harry for a solid 6 days and Louis remembered those like no other. Harry always thought about those 6 days, how good they were and how nice it was to be himself with Louis for that long. 

Louis crouched down, hands still pulling his hair. He started crying into his hands. After crying into his hands for a solid 5 minutes he stood up, wiping the tears away profusely. He looked at his sculpture one more time and then pulled the plastic back over it and walked to his car.

He started making the two hour journey to Brighton Pier. 40 minutes into the drive, he reached over, turning the music he was listening to down, as he called Harry. "Hello?" he answered. "Um, Harry?" Louis asked who it was. "Hi yeah, its me," he said and Louis smiled. "I just wanted to let you know I'm going to the Brighton Pier right now, I'll be there in probably an hour, I uh wasn't having any inspiration to work so I thought I'd come here," he said. "Oh okay, what time will you be home?" Harry asked. "Well its what, only half past 9...um, I'm not sure I'll call you when I'm leaving, ok?" he said trying to figure out the math but giving up. "Okay, yeah, I love you Lou," Harry said. "I love you too," Louis responded and they hung up. Louis was a bit relieved that Harry was himself again but he was still upset that Harry had to live with this awful disease and he tried not to think about it as he drove.

Louis parked the car and hopped out. He walked down the pier a bit, to where there weren't any people. He leaned against the railing and watched the ocean hit the rocks for a few minutes, the wind blowing his fringe into his eyes. He grabbed the railing and put one leg over, resting his foot on the edge of the ground, and slowly brought the other one over as well. He faced the water and held on to the railing tightly, and slowly leaned out above the water. After a few minutes of just that, his hands were hurting and he slowly brought himself in and over the railing. He sat down and put his feet over the edge of the pier and rested his head and hands on the lower bar of the railing and he stared at the ocean til he fell asleep, just like that. (A/N: just so you know louis was not going to kill himself, he wasn't even thinking about it, he just wanted to be closer to the water)

Louis woke up with the weight of something on his shoulder. He sleepily turned his head to the right only to be met with hair. (A/N: normally i would change that so it sounds better but its too funny) "Harry?" Louis says. "Hi, love." Harry lifted his head off of Lou's shoulder. "What are you doing here?" Louis asks. "I know when something is up Lou, i could tell you weren't happy." Louis just turned and looked out at the ocean. He heard Harry softly laugh. "Louis you have a red print on your face from sleeping on a pole," They both started laughing. 

It was quiet for a few minutes after as they both just watched the waves. Louis reached over and put his right hand on Harry's left knee, where both of his legs were also dangling off the edge of the pier. "Lou, whats wrong?" Harry asked quietly with a concerned face. "I.. I just don't want you to have live like this Harry," He sighed. "Like what? with you?" "No, no, god no. Of course i want you to live with me and be with me, i mean, i don't want you to have to live as 3 different people, its unhealthy harry," Louis said. Harry didn't respond. "Harry when you're Ethan you threaten to kill yourself all the time, and it scares me because i know Ethan would go through with it. And when you're Logan i just, miss you. We need to at least get rid of Ethan, he is destroying you Harry, I just want you to be you /all/ the time." "I don't want to get help Lou, they'll just put me in a psych ward," Harry whined. "They can't do that against your will Harry," "They can if they think I'm going to kill myself," "Harry i don't want to lose you. You're gay but when you're ethan you're homophobic, how does that even make sense? And when you're logan you wear makeup and dresses and there's nothing wrong with that but it's not you, don't you want to be Harry all the time?" "Of course I do, but MPD isn't even treatable, they will keep me in a psych ward my whole life Lou, i don't want to live like that," Harry was getting angry. "They will at least treat Ethan's depression, they can help with that, maybe you can at least get rid of Ethan," Louis was just trying to convince harry at this point. "This is bullshit, they cant fix me Louis! Nothing can!" he yelled. "Harry.. please cant you just please talk to someone, just talk to a doctor.." Louis holds in tears. "I am afraid I'm going to lose you," he lets the tears fall.

"Lou.." Harry says and pulls him into his side. Louis started sobbing into his chest. "Please harry.." his voice was thick with tears. Louis cried for a few more minutes and Harry kept his arm wrapped around him the whole time, trying to keep him warm. "Come here," Harry said and stood up, holding out a hand for Louis. Louis stood up weakly and wiped his nose on his sweater. They walked hand in hand back down to the front of the pier and stood on the rocks by the ocean shore. Harry picked up a rock and Louis watched him wondering what he was doing. He watched him dig around in his long black jacket and eventually pulling out a black sharpie. Louis looked at harry with a questioning face. Harry uncapped the lid and wrote something on it and brought his hand back, preparing to throw it, and then launching it as far as he could. It landed with a plop. "Your turn," Harry said. "What do I write?" Louis asked looking for a nice rock to write on. "Something you want to get rid of, something you don't need in your life anymore," Harry responded, handing him the sharpie after he'd chosen a rock. "What did you write?" He asked. "Just nothing," Harry responds with. "Fine," Louis said stubbornly and wrote his own and threw it into the water. "So.." Harry started and walked over to Louis, wrapping both of his arms around him and talking quietly, "what did you write?" "You don't get to know, you didn't tell me yours," Louis started laughing. "Let's go home," Harry said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm not super happy with this chapter but its just a filler and i wanted to post something plus yall on twitter wanted me to post now, but i think the next chapter is going to be super good, so yay ! love you all -bella


	3. Chapter 3

Louis woke up as the car stopped in front of their apartment. He and Harry both quickly walked into their apartment and Louis sat down on a bar stool at their kitchen island. Harry stood on the other side of it, and glanced behind him to read the time on the stove, where it read '4:07pm'. "Well, Lou, should I make french toast? Does that sound good?" He asks. "Yeah, that sounds delicious, do you want me to put on a movie?" "Sure," Harry says as he starts getting the food out. Louis goes over to the tv and starts Dirty Dancing, knowing it was Harry's favorite. "Oh it's your favorite movie," Harry grins, winking. Harry knows deep down its one of Louis's favorites, but Louis refuses to admit it. "I've told you Harry, i can barely stand this movie, i only ever watch it for you," Louis rolls his eyes. "Mhmm," Harry says cracking an egg. "I have a head ache I'm gonna lay down on the couch for a minute," He responds and grabs a water bottle from the fridge and plops onto the couch.

Less than 10 minutes later Harry is calling Louis to come eat. They eat quickly then snuggle up on the couch and finish the movie.

Once the movie is finished Harry is channel surfing while Louis is leaning on Harry and scrolling mindlessly on his phone when his phone dings. "Niall wants to do something tonight," Louis says. "But it's Tuesday?" He responds. "He didn't say he wanted to go out, just that he wants to chill," "Oh, well invite him over," "Mk," Louis says.

45 minutes later Niall barges in the door, not even bothering to knock. "I brought beer!" He yells. Louis stands up from the couch where he had been resting, his head still hurting. Harry was standing at the kitchen counter wiping it off so it was clean. "Whoa," Louis says and grips onto the side of the couch. "Ah I'm so lightheaded," He says. "Stood up too fast after a good blowey mate?" Niall jokes. "Pft I wish," He says and Harry rolls his eyes. Louis quickly walks over to Niall as he sets down the 12 pack of canned beer on the counter. "You're not expecting us to get wasted right Niall?" Harry says eyeing all the cans. "No, you lads and i have to work tomorrow, but you can have at least 1 can right?" He grins already popping one open.

"You know, I'm so jealous of you, you just write songs with famous people for a living, what a dream job." Louis says as he pulls a barstool out to sit on. Harry continues standing on the opposite side of the counter of Louis and Niall, and niall hops up sitting on the counter. "I thought you thought your job /was/ a dream job?" Harry says. Louis is waiting for Harry to yell at Niall to get off the counter. "I do," Louis says it like its a question. "You just said you wanted my job?" Niall laughs. "I do, but i still love my job," Louis says. "Niall!" Harry screeches once he realizes he's on the table top, startling louis and niall. "Jesus, what?" Niall says. "Get off the table! Thats gross, ew." He is pushing niall off the table. "Damn, calm down." Niall laughs. "I was waiting for that," Louis says. "I want to go take off my makeup," Harry whines, walking towards the bedroom. "Oh. Logan, you aren't wearing any makeup today." Louis says, realizing it was Logan and not harry. "Oh," Logan pouts and walks back over to them.

"Okay, here have a drink already!" Niall says handing a can to each of them. "I dont want any," Louis says. "Why the hell not?" Niall asks. "Ya girl wants wine," Logan says prancing over to the wine bottles. "I already dont feel well, I dont wanna make it worse," Louis says. Niall just starts laughing and opens a new can of beer, having finished his. "Okay, so now what," Harry says, drinking a sip of his wine.

***

"I can't fucking believe I got talked into this," Niall groans. "Close your eyes!" Logan screeches. Louis laughs hard and almost falls off the bathroom counter he was sitting on. "Ah!" He yells but catches himself before he fell. "Stop opening your eyes niall, your gonna mess me up!" Louis watch as Logan draws a winged eyeliner on Niall. Louis has always been fascinated by Logan wearing makeup. "Okay, now all we need is mascara." "Wait, woah, I'm scared, isn't that going to poke me in the eye?" Niall pulls his face away from Logan's hand. "It's not as scary as it looks, trust me," Louis says. "How many times has she put makeup on you?" Niall asks and Logan brings her hand back up to Niall's face, "What do i do?" Niall looks at Logan. "Just blink and I'll hold it right here." she responds. "A few times," Louis smirks. Niall allows Logan to apply the mascara and manages to only get one smudge of mascara on his eyelid. "Okay, were done! Louis hand me the small mirror by you," Logan says. Louis gives it to her quickly and shows niall his face. "What the fuck, how the- Harry how do you-" Niall cuts himself off. "sorry," he mumbles. "It's Logan you bitch," Logan laughs, letting him know he's joking. "Sorry, Logan," Niall smiles a bit. "It's okay, i get it," She smiles. "How did you learn how to do makeup so good?" Niall asks. "I have friends that do makeup professionally," She smiles. "I need another beer, since /somebody/ knocked mine over," Niall gives Louis a pointed look. "You've already had 5, and you work tomorrow, how do you do that?" Louis says. "Im irish," He says. Louis rolls his eyes. "I have a headache again, can I go to bed babe?" Louis pouts and helps Logan stand up from the bathroom floor. "Yeah, its 12 anyways and you have to wake up at 7, I'll tuck you in real quick." She says. "That's my que to go get more beer, Logan you're coming back out to the kitchen after?" Niall questions. "Yeah be there in a minute," Logan called back to him.

Logan followed Louis into their bedroom attached to the bathroom they were in. Louis slips off his jeans and his t shirt as well. Logan starts to pull the blankets on the bed back. "I'm gonna go get a cuppa water," Louis says. "Do you want me to get it, boo?" Logan said as she chuckled a bit because he was basically naked. "No, I got it," Louis said walking out. "Don't you get cold sleeping in just that?" Niall asked while Louis scratched one of his ribs. "Not if Harry's around." Louis smirked. "Or logan," he finished. "Not Ethan?" Niall asked. "He's a homophobe remember?" Louis said grabbing a glass. "Oh yeah," Niall said. "It's always a little weird when I'm sleeping with Logan though, because she likes to be the little spoon and with Harry I'm the little spoon." Louis shrugs. "Anyways, night Ni, watch Harry for me tonight, okay?" Louis gave him a nod and walked backed to his bedroom.

"Got water?" Logan asked. "Yeah," Louis set it down on his side of the bed (which happened to be the right, with Harry on his left). Louis layed down in bed. "Aw fuck, I need to brush my teeth and wash my face," Louis quickly hopped out of bed. Logan chuckled and said, "Do you want me to turn the tv on for you?" "Uhm, no, I'm too tired." He muffled out through the foamy toothpaste in his mouth. "Okay," Logan flopped down on to the bed. Louis finished up and walked back in. He quickly climbed into bed and rolled towards Logan, "Will you tickle my back for a minute?" "Sure Lou," Logan whispered. She rubbed his back softly for 5 minutes til she heard his light snores. She hopped up and turned off the lamp above the bed.

Logan walked back into the kitchen. "Can I take this makeup off?" Niall groans. "Wait, we should take a selfie," Logan says pulling out her phone. "Oh, ew, I look gross without my makeup on," Logan laughs as she looks in the camera. "Prunesss," Niall says as he pouts his lips and Logan does too. Logan snaps the picture, taking a few more after as well. "Okay, now can I take this off?" Niall asks. "Fine, let me go get some makeup wipes." Logan says and goes into the bath room just off the kitchen wear she keeps a pack of extra wipes for when she's too lazy to go all the way to their bedroom.

"Here," Logan says. Niall grabs the makeup wipes and struggles to get all of the makeup off. "Logan!! I cant get it off," He pouts. "Okay I'll do it for you," she laughs. "I think we need more alcohol first," Niall says as he stands up from the bar stool and goes to the small bar cart they have. "Hmm, whiskey?" Niall asks looking at all the different kind of alcohol they had and glancing back at Logan to ask which one she wants. "Tequila," She says. "Okay, get a lime and salt," Niall says and grabs the bottle and two shot glasses. They quickly swallow the shots and Logan starts taking off the rest of Niall's makeup.

A few more shots and an hour later, Niall is lying on the floor staring at the ceiling as Logan tries to braid his hair. "We should go for a walk," Logan says randomly while hopping up quickly. "Okay," Niall says and they put on some shoes and quickly exit the house. They rambled about nothing while they walked down to a gas station.

***

The bell rung on the door as they walked in. "Wait, Niall theres a puppy in that corner," Logan whispered and sure enough there was a small dog in the back right corner of the gas station. "I want it," Logan whines. "Let's take it," Niall slurred as he looks at the gas station worker who was sat playing some game on his iPhone. "Come on," Niall said aloud and nodded his head for Logan to follow him. They walked over to the furthest side of the gas station away from the worker. "I'll distract him and you take the dog okay?" Niall said. "Okay," and with that Logan walked closer to the dog but pretended to be looking at snacks. Niall then realized he was by the fridges and the beer, so he quickly walked up to the worker. "Hey um, could you help me choose a beer?" Niall asked. The worker looked up from his phone and looked at Niall. "Uh, i guess." He said and stood up leading Niall back towards the beer. Niall glanced behind him and saw Logan inching closer to the dog.

"Okay, so.." The worker started turning towards Niall. "What are you looking for?" He asked. "Uh, what's your favorite?" Niall asked again, slurring his words a little bit more on purpose. "Why are you asking a gas station worker this? Shouldn't you be at some liquor store or something a little more professional than a gas station?" The worker asked. "It's almost 2 am and I'm a paying costumer so why does it matter?" Niall sassed. "Yeah, okay. Uhm..wait, are you driving?" The worker asked. "Oh, no, did you see the boy that came in with me? He's driving, he's sober. We are going.. on a road trip and i wanted to pick up some beer for once we get to, uh, my uncles. In Lancaster," Niall lied. "Okay, so we have single canned beers right here and the packs are over here," The worker started to turn towards Logan, who was in the midst of picking up the dog. "No! No, I just want one. My uncle will have some, actually. I just want one for the ride." Niall panicked. "Okay well.." The worker began and Niall sighed as he heard the bell ding, indicating Logan had left, and quickly shut the worker up by grabbing a beer and walking to the register, the worker following. "Where is your friend? Didn't he come in?" The worker asked. "Yeah, he had to pee, and he grabbed a snack he wanted me to buy, see?" Niall pointed to the counter just a few feet in front of him now. "Oh, okay." Niall quickly payed for the beer and the bag of chips Logan had put on the counter and walked out of the grocery store, meeting Logan just a few feet down from the door.

"Got it?" Niall asked. "Yep, and look how cute it is!!" She screeched. "Now what?" Niall asked while laughing. "Let's just walk back to home now and play with it." Logan says. And she continues to pet the dog in her arms while they walk back.

***

"Niall take a picture with me and the puppy," She said randomly on the walk back home. They stopped and Logan posed with the puppy as Niall took pictures and she finally got one she liked. "Do you want any Niall?" She asked. "Nah, I wouldn't post it on instagram anyways, but are you gonna post yours?" He asked. "Maybe tomorrow," She shrugged.

***

Once they could see Logan's house logan stopped in her tracks immediately. "Niall!!" She yelled. "Jesus christ, what Logan?" Niall asked startled. "It's Harry, but um, we just stole a dog," Harry was back and for some reason Harry being back managed to make him realize what he was doing. "Oh, fuck, you're right," Niall says and just like that it was like something snapped and they realized what they had done, it automatically sobering them up quite a bit. "What are we gonna do?!" Harry started freaking out. "Uh, I say we just take the dog back, and if the worker is awake then we will tell him what happened." "Okay.. shit." Harry says as they start walking back.

"Niall what are we going to do?" Harry groaned. Niall peeked around the corner at the gas station and saw the worker still playing the game on his phone. "He hasn't even noticed the dog is gone," Niall started laughing, "What a shit owner." "Niall this is serious !!" Harry yelled at him. "Um, okay, let's, uh... ok here, take my beanie, and put on these sunglasses." He started. "Why do you have sunglasses, its dark outside?" Harry asked. "I dont know! It doesn't matter just put them on, you go in and distract him this time while I take the dog in," Niall said. "What if he recognizes me?" Harry asks. "That's what the beanie and glasses are for, he didn't even look at your face anyways." "What if he sees you with the dog?" "Oh my god Harry we can't worry about 'what ifs', we have to do something or we'll get arrested!" "Okay okay, I'm going in now," Harry walked around the corner and opened the door.

He glanced at the worker who didn't even seem to notice he walked in. He wasn't sure what to do so he walked towards the aisle full of chips and somehow managed to make it look like he fell and landed loudly. "Ouch," He yelled fakely, laying flat on the ground. He waited a few seconds and when the worker didn't come he reached up and grabbed a shelf and pulled on it so it collapsed and the food went tumbling. "Who runs this store, god," He said trying to get the workers attention. That seemed to do it and next thing he knew the worker was trying to help him stand up. "Maybe you should put a sign up saying the floor is wet next time," Harry growled. "Sorry sir, let me help you clean this up," He said. The door rung as Niall walked in. "Help me? Hah, it's your job," Harry was trying to channel his inner Ethan and be rude. "Yeah you're right, um, can I help you find anything?" He asked and stopped cleaning up the food. "Yeah can you grab me a pack of beer?" Harry asked and pointed over his own shoulder to the beer. "Uh, sure what kind?" The worker asked. "Uh," The door rung again as Niall left. "Are you gonna charge me for the beer?" Harry asked quickly. "Uh, yeah?" The worker said it like a question. "Never mind, I mean I just basically got concussed and you're still going to charge me, I'll just go to a different gas station," Harry walked out quickly.

"Oh my god, I feel so awful. I was so rude to him and /I/ just stole his dog!!" Harry yelled to Niall. "That was so good, I can't believe we got away with that," He was laughing hysterically. Harry stared at him for a second but then gave in and started laughing as well.

***

"I'm gonna go check on Lou," Harry says right after they step into the apartment. "Okay," Niall says. As Harry got closer to their bedroom he could hear what he thought was water running. He opened the bedroom door but didn't see Louis anywhere. Then he noticed the light leaking through the barely open bathroom door. He pushed it open, "Lou?" He was met with his small boy hunched over the toilet, throwing up. "Oh baby," Harry said and rubbed his back softly. Louis finished and layed down on the floor next to the toilet. Harry watched as he shivered while his bare back touched the cold tile floor. "I'll grab you a blanket," He said and went to grab one off the bed but then remembered Niall was in the living room. 

"Ni," He said. "Yeah?" Niall looked up from his phone, "Is everything okay?" "Louis is sick," Harry said and quickly walked back into his bedroom gesturing for Niall to follow. He grabbed the blanket on the way and got back into the bathroom where Louis was laying on the ground with his eyes closed. "Here baby," Harry layed the blanket on top of him and sat down near him. "What happened?" Niall asked. "I think it was just because of my migraine," Louis answered. "Do you want to get back in bed?" Harry said. "No, I still feel like I might vom again," He closed his eyes. "Do we have any ginger ale?" "Um.." Harry wasn't sure. "I'll go check," Niall says. "Lou, do you want a nausea pill?" Harry asked. "No, just lay with me haz?" He pouted. "Of course, Lou," Harry layed down next to him and played with his hair softly. "There wasn't any ginger ale, but i brought some bubbly water," Niall said and handed it to Harry. "Here Lou, drink this, I'll walk Niall to his car."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was a long chapter to write it took me ages, but um.. if you follow me on twitter @paynesfeminist you can see pics i post of L&H's apartment if you wanna know what it looks like?? idk also I'm working on a larry disneyland oneshot so you'll see when i post that too, anywaysssss, ily


	4. Chapter 4

"Harry," Louis shook him awake. 2 days later, Louis had convinced Harry to talk to his doctor, so he had called and got an appointment for Friday aka, today. Harry groaned and rolled onto his stomach. "Harry you slept in later than you usually get to on Friday's you should be happy," Lou laughed a bit. "What time is it?" Harry mumbled, his voice rough. "It's 9, you're appointment is at 9:30 so we need to go." He responded. "But Lou.." Harry rolled over to face him where he was standing next to Harry's side of the bed. "Just lay down by me," He reached for Louis's hands but Louis just stared back at him. "Câline moi?" (A/N: it means cuddle me) Harry said and pouted. Louis gave in but only because he loved when Harry would [poorly] speak french to him. Louis crawled into Harry's side and slid under the covers, his head resting on Harry's chest. "Only for a few minutes," Louis said. It was silent for a few minutes while Harry kept his eyes closed but his fingers trailing around Louis's back softly. "Hare bear I have a migraine," Louis pouted. "Hm, let me get you so advil, we need to get up anyway." Harry stood up and went to grab the pills. Louis sat up slowly and took them quickly. He watched Harry throw on a pair of black jeans and grab two jackets, one for each of them. "Let's go Lou," He said and held out his hand as they walked to the car.

Harry had driven them because Louis wasn't feeling up to par so he parked outside the insta care and went in. "Harry Styles," He said to the receptionist and she signed him in as they took their seats and waited. Louis rested his head on Harry's shoulder, his eyes closed. Harry scrolled through his Instagram, while nervously bouncing his leg. "Harry," a nurse called out. Louis jumped at the sound and Harry chuckled at him. They both stood up and Harry quickly gripped louis's hand, he was now realizing what was happening and how anxious he was.

"Okay let's check your height, weight, and blood pressure real quick and then you can head into the room." The nurse said. It had been a few years since Harry had been into his so they would do the basic check up as well. After doing that the nurse took them into the little room and told them they could wait for the doctor. Harry was sitting on the little table bed thing and Louis had been sitting in one of the chairs but he quickly moved over next to Harry.

Harry breathed out heavily and wiped his hands on his thighs. "Louis I'm scared," he said. "It's okay Harry, nothing bad can happen, she's gonna help you, it will all be okay, and I'll be right here the whole time." Louis says and puts his hand oh Harry's thigh to comfort him. Harry continues to breathe deeply. Louis rubbed circles on his back for about 6 minutes while harry just breathed. "Is your headache gone Lou?" he asked. "No, I still kinda have a migraine but it's whatever," he shrugged. Just then the doctor walked in, "Hi Harry, haven't seen you in a few years, you've grown a bit," She smiled at him. "Yeah," He tried to sound casual even tho he was lowkey having an anxiety attack. "Okay, so what did we make this appointment for? Just a checkup?" She asked while using her stethoscope to check Harry's breathing. He breathed in and out quickly and repeated a few more times til she pulled away. "Well um, I uh, I'm kinda pretty sure I have a disorder," He said barely getting the words out. Louis was still sat next to him so he put his hand back on Harry's back and spoke up, "We arent sure about it, obviously, which is why we're here, but I'm- we're pretty sure he has Multiple Personality Disorder." Louis says and feels Harry tense once he says the words. "Hm, thats a pretty complicated disorder, what makes you think this?" She says looking at Harry. He opens his mouth but doesn't say anything, they watch him take short shallow breaths for a few moments until Louis says, "He's kind of been scared to do this," Yeah i can see that, let me step outside for a few minutes," She said and left quickly.

"Harry shh, it's okay, just breathe." Louis said and stood up in front of him. Harry stood up shakily and hugged Louis. "Match youre breathing to mine, love," And they stood there like that for a couple minutes as Harry tried to pace his breathing with Louis's. There was a knock on the door as the doctor walked back in and the two boys stepped apart, but Louis sat back down next to Harry. "Okay, so Harry I would prefer for you to answer but if you dont feel comfortable, it's okay if he does it for you as well," She said as she gestured to Louis. "So what leads you to think you have Disociative Identity Disorder?" She said using the correct term for it since they changed the name from MPD to DID. "Well I, I kind of have three different personalities. Sometimes I'm Harry, which is the real me, and s-sometimes I'm Logan who is gender queer and wears makeup , and d-dont get me wrong, I don't mind those people but it's just not-not me, and then sometimes I'm Ethan, and he uh, he's kind of homophobic which is really hard because I'm gay, and he's kind of suicidal, I guess." Harry said and began to become aware of everything he was saying & his shoulders slowly slumped as he became ashamed of it all. "That does sound a bit like DID.. do you recall when this all started?" "Uhm no, no I don't, not at all." "Hm okay, and you, I'm sorry I didn't get your name?" She says turning to Louis. "Oh it's Louis," He said. "Louis you are, you're..?" She trailed off. "I'm Harry's boyfriend." He said. "That's what I thought but I didn't want to make any assumptions," She smiled, "So you would agree with everything he just said?" She asked. "Yeah I would, he's struggled with it ever since I've known him, we met for the first time about 15 months ago, and yeah, I don't know what he's like without it." Louis said, Harry was looking at him and began to get sad about that last part. "DID is a very hard disorder to diagnose because there isn't any exact way of doing that or confirming it, and it's also not seen as a disorder to some people. Let me get out a list of questions and I'll have you answer them quickly, okay?" She said and Harry nodded. His breathing was beginning to get a lot more irregular again. "They are just simple questions, respond with a percent, in increments of 10, and rate how often you experience it, sounds good?" She explains. Harry nods.

"You suddenly realize where you are and don't remember the trip of getting there,"

"30%"

"You are listening to somebody talk and you suddenly realize you didnt hear everything they said,"

"40"

"Your dressed in clothes you don't remember putting on,"

"40"

"You find things you don't remember buying,"

"..20"

" You are approached by a person that you do not know, who call you by another name, or insist that they have met you before,"

"10"

"Some people sometimes have the experience of feeling as though they are standing next to themselves or watching themselves do something and they actually see themselves as if they were looking at another person,"

"..0"

"you don't recognize a friend or family member,"

"0"

"you don't remember significant days in your life such as, wedding, graduation, a birthday,"

"um 20"

"Looking in the mirror and not recognizing yourself,"

"..20"

" you have the experience of sometimes remembering a past event so vividly that you feel as if you were reliving that event"

"10"

"No, that is like a 50, Harry," Louis interjected.

"No it's not"

"Harry sometimes we are talking about a memory and then you start saying the same things you were saying during the memory and you do exactly what the memory was about," Louis explained.

".."

"It's okay, I've been able to tell he scores himself pretty low (A/N: basically add about 20 to whatever number he said and that's actually what he feels), what would you say your percent on that is Harry?" the doctor asked again.

"Uhm.. 30" He said and Louis clenched his jaw for a moment to hold back his argument.

"Have difficulty deciding whether you dreamt about something or if it was a memory,"

"40,"

" You know you're in a familiar place but you're finding it strange and unfamiliar,"

"10..no 20"

"You often find that when you are watching television or a movie you become so absorbed in the story that you are unaware of other events happening around you,"

"20"

"You find that you are able to ignore pain,"

"50" hearing Harry say that back so quickly and confidently hurt Louis. For him to know Harry was able to just ignore pain so easily, it scared Louis to be honest.

"When you're alone you talk to yourself,"

"30,"

"You find that on some days you do a lot better in 'said situation' than you do other days,"

"Uhm.."

"Like your playing football and one day you score 4 goals and on another day you barely manage to kick the ball at all,"

Louis chuckled knowing how often that exact situation happened to Harry, "Oh uh 30,"

The test continued on, and they quickly did one about depression as well. "Okay Harry, so give me a minute to just analyze the scores and put them in the systems and then I will be right back," She smiled and left the room. Louis layed his head on Harry's shoulder and held his arm tightly. "I love you," He said softly. "I love you too," Harry said back and rested his head on top of Louis's in silence while they waited a few minutes for the doctor to come back.

"Okay, so Harry, to me it does seem like you have Dissociative Identity Disorder, a long with a mild depression stemming from it. I would suggest talking to a therapist or life coach who can help you manage with it a bit better and can also find out if there is a reason or starting point as to why you may have it. Here is a list of people that have dealt with people like you, in case you're interested. Do you have any other questions or concerns?" The doctor asked.

Harry sat dumbfounded, not because he was surprised he had it, but because it was a shock to hear it confirmed and also because of everything she suggested. Louis glanced at Harry who was sat still and he reached out for the papers from the doctor. "Um, Harry do you have any questions for her?" Louis said to Harry touching his arm slightly. "I'll step outside, but I'll just be around the corner if you find any questions you'd like to ask me." She said and stood off her chair to leave the room. "Har- woah," Louis said and clutched onto the bed quickly as he got light headed from standing up too fast. 

The doctor hadn't left the room yet and she stopped abruptly. "Are you okay?" She said. "Oh, um, yeah. Just got a bit light headed is all." Louis answered. Harry had barely moved but was staring at Louis in concern now. "Did you eat something for breakfast this morning?" Doctor asked. "Yeah I had a banana and a muffin." He answered. "Hm, have you been feeling okay recently?" "Actually, come to think of it, I've had quite a few migraines lately and I threw up a few days ago." Louis was starting to get nervous and he looked towards Harry who was now digging his fingernails into his arm, the way he did when he was anxious. Louis reached back and pulled Harry's arms apart and clutched one of his hands into his own. He looked back at the doctor. "Can you think of any other noticeable symptoms?" She asked. "Uh, I've been more tired lately?" He said like a question. "Can you think of anything Harry?" Louis's voice was shaking ever so slightly, but only Harry would notice. "Um, no, I don't think so, other than the headaches and vomiting." He said. "Do you think I could get a blood test from you Louis? Just to be sure everything is okay, it could just be stress or it could be something more, but for safety," The doctor asked with a smile trying, but failing, to reassure him just a tiny bit. "Uh, yeah yeah that's fine." He moved Harry's papers that he had set where he was sitting before and sat back down on the bed thing next to Harry. "Okay, I'll just have the nurse come in and take it and then I will call you in a few days with the results. Oh and did you take any medications today?" She asked, "Uh, I had some advil this morning for my migraine," Louis said and looked into Harry's eyes.

***

Harry and Louis didn't say anything to each other on the way home, just drove with the radio on quietly and holding each others hand. "Haz.." Louis said quietly once they got in their apartment. "Are you gonna be okay?" Harry asked Louis and walked over to stand in front of Louis who was stood next to the fridge. "I was going to ask you that. But uh, I dont know if I will be, I can't really confirm until we get my blood results back. But I'm sure I'll be fine, the doctor said it could just be stress so thats probably all it is." He breathed out. "But.. what if it's not, what if it's something more Lou?" Harry was getting himself worked up. "Harry, please, we can't worry about me. Your worrying over nothing, please, let's forget about it until we get the call. I'm worried about /you/, are /you/ going to be okay?" Louis was holding both of harrys hands now. "I- yeah, I'm fine, nothings really changed." Harry shrugged. "Do you.. do you want to talk to your mom about it? Or a therapist?" Louis was treading around that lightly, knowing it tends to set Harry off. "No." Harry looked away from Louis's eyes immediately. "Not even your mum, Haz? She won't end up hating you for it," "You dont know that, she could think I'm some sort of freak and never look at me again." "Or maybe she'll just be there for you, and support you." "She'll put me in a psych ward, or she'll force me to see the therapist." "Haz.. you thought that about the doctor as well, and she didn't do anything but help. She offered you help and that's all. No one can force you to do anything or see anyone." "So you can't force me to tell my mum," "..You're right haz, I cant. But I can try," "I'm going to get in the shower," Harry whispered solemnly and walked quickly out of the kitchen. Louis slumped to the floor right where he was standing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiiii, uhm I hope you like this chapter?? idk I'm being super awkward right now, but uh, yeah. was this an exciting chapter? was it boring? idek but id honestly love feedback on how to make it better :) ilyyy


	5. Chapter 5

Harry was sat up in bed, watching Louis sleep, the sun shining down onto him, which had caused him to get hot and throw off the blankets, meaning Harry could see his cute arse in just his underwear. Louis's chestnut hair was very messy from sleep, Harry loved it when it was that messy but Louis would never wear it out like that, no matter how many times Harry would beg him too. Louis moved his head but the sun caught right in his eyes and he groaned. "Fucking sun, waking me up, arsehole," Louis mumbled barely audible but Harry laughed softly. "Happy Sunday, sunshine," Harry softly said and watched Louis open his eyes. "Good morning," Louis grumbled and stood up and gave Harry a kiss on the forehead before walking towards the bathroom. Harry watched him take small steps, his socks making soft swishing noise against the hard wood floor. "Quit checkin' out my arse!" Louis says and slams the bathroom door shut dramatically. Harry smiles widely and closes his eyes tiredly. Louis comes back out of the bathroom just a few minutes later and walks out and to the kitchen to make a cup of tea for him and grab a banana for Harry.

"Here," Louis hands it to him. "What should we do today?" Harry says peeling the banana while Louis sits back down on his side of the bed. "I need to get some more art supplies," Louis sips his tea. He watches Harry get out of bed and walk over to the record player against the wall. Harry searches through the vinyl's until he finds one and he sets the needle on it carefully and turning the volume up. He climbs back into bed as the music starts.

"Why is this your favorite vinyl Haz?" Louis was curious as to why Harry put on Glass Face - You Are Nowhere EP, which Gemma had given Harry for christmas. "I dont know, it's just really pretty I guess," He says shrugging. "But it's so sad," Lou argues. "What you must understand about me /Lou/ is that I am a deeply unhappy person." Harry quotes his and Louis's favorite book, Looking for Alaska. Louis rolls his eyes but smiles nonetheless.

"For a man must die," Harry sings the words. "And I am one," He continues. "When I die," Louis joins in. Harry's eyes were closed as he continued singing passionately. Louis leaned over to Harry's cheek to kiss it but once he was about an inch away from Harry's face Harry twitched and be brought his hand up to his temple to itch it quickly but managed to wack Lou on the way which caused him to spill his tea on the both of them. "AH! What was that for?" Louis asks laughing. "Your fringe tickled me and I didn't know it was you so I went to itch it!" Harry screeched, laughing as well. "Get a towel!" Louis said to Harry. "Or I could just lick it off your legs," Harry waggled his eyebrows jokingly. "That's gross and now I'm all sticky," Louis pouted but Harry still made no move to get a towel. Louis rolled his eyes and went to get a towel himself.

Louis walked into the bathroom but then decided he might as well just not use a towel and just shower and wash the sheets anyway. "Harry get off the bed please so I can clean the sheets and then I need to shower." "I need to shower too," Harry says, "Can we shower together?" "Yes but only if you get off the bed right now." Louis chuckles and Harry hops off the bed.

***

"Haz will you put in the Day & Age cd in?" Louis asked as he pulled out of their driveway. "Sure," Harry searched through the stack of cd's to find it. "We should stop at a pet store," Harry says randomly. "Why would we do that?" Louis asks. "I want to look at the hamsters." He says. "Um, okay.. after we go to the art store we can go to Purple Bone." Louis turns around the corner and groans as the sun shines into his eyes, "Where are my sunglasses its fucking bright out today." "I love the sun," Harry says and Louis laughs because Harry loved to just argue with everything he said. "Aw shit I missed the turn, do you think I can make a U-turn?" Louis asks quickly checking behind him and starting to turn the wheel. "I hate when you make U-turns your shite at them," Harry says. "Too bad!" Louis screeches and turns the car sharply. Harry slammed against the car door due to the force. "Louis!!" Harry looked shocked as Louis turned into the parking lot in front of the art store. Louis just parked the car in a spot and looked to Harry who was still making the same face. Louis started laughing and after a few seconds so was Harry.

The bell rings as they enter the shop. "Hi, can I help you find anything?" The old man asks. "Yeah, do you have liquid latex?" Louis asks and the old man nods and leads them towards it. "Thanks," Louis smiles and the man walks away. Next to the latex Louis sees silicon as well and decides to grab it. "Do you think they have any baskets?" Louis says already struggling to carry the few objects he grabbed. "Um.." Harry glanced around. "Can you ask him if he has anything we can use?" Louis says still crouched down to look at the things on the bottom shelf. "I don't want to.." Harry said, his social anxiety stopping him. "Seriously Harry?" Louis was annoyed until he turned and looked up to see Harry's sad face. "It's okay Harry, but at least come with me to ask him, okay?" Louis says standing up. They started walking towards the cash register where the man was sitting. Louis started to ask Harry if he'd grab something from his arms but he felt it slipping. A bottle of black paint crashed and the pressure caused the lid to pop off and spill paint everywhere. "Shit," Louis groaned. The old man stood up quickly and came over to help. "I'm sorry," Louis said. "It's okay, it happens," The man smiles and grabs a mop. Louis set down the art supplies on the table. "Is it okay if I keep these here while I keep looking around?" Louis asks and the man nods. Louis turned around and was surprised when he didn't see Harry right behind him. "Harry?" Louis says as he notices him standing in a corner slightly shaking. "What's wrong?" Louis asks going to grab his hands. "Don't touch me." Harry snaps. "Harry, it's okay, he's not mad." Louis said and glanced back at the man who was still mopping up the paint. He figured Harry was just having an anxiety attack from the accident but wasn't sure if that's what set him off. "It's Ethan," He said and started walking towards the door.

Fuck, Louis hated himself when he didn't stop to notice it was Ethan and he called him Harry. It made him feel like shit because he'd been with Harry for over a year, he feels like he should be able to notice when his boyfriend isn't himself. He just hates that he doesn't help him feel better and makes it worse. "Ethan I'm sorry, please don't go outside, just stay in here while I finish up." Louis begs. Ethan glances at the old man who was watching them. "No. No, I just want to sit in the car. I'll be fine." He says, getting self conscious under the old mans eyes. "Ethan please, you can just sit over here and I'll be quick," Louis didn't want him to leave, he needed to keep an eye on him. Ethan didn't move any closer to the door for a few moments so Louis quickly scanned the rest of the shop and grabbed what he needed then went to check out. While the old man was ringing up the stuff Louis turned around to look at Ethan and saw him digging his nails into his arm. "Ethan stop, please," Louis walked quickly over to him and pulled his arms apart. Louis looked him in the eye for a second and then walked back to the old man, handing him his card. He quickly scanned it and Louis grabbed the bags and went back to Ethan. "Let's go," Louis says and grabs a hold of his hand, but he rejected it. "Thank you," Louis says to the man and they walk to the car. "Hey, let's go to that pet shop now yeah?" Louis says starting the car and pulling out of the parking lot.

"Can I lay down? In the backseat?" Ethan asks. "Um, Will you stay buckled?" Louis tries to bargain but Ethan doesn't say anything. "Then no," Louis says. "I want to asjkl," Louis hears Ethan mumble but didn't quite catch the last word. "What's that?" Louis hoped he hadn't said he wanted to die and he felt it pain him. He tried to comfort Ethan without touching him. Ethan brought his knees up to his chest and wrapped his arms around his head as he started crying and Louis felt his heart break.

Ethan suddenly reached up and switched the cd to blue tooth and started his spotify playlist he made for when he was sad and he went back down to crying. Louis tried to watch as he did this but he was driving which made it difficult.

Louis pulled into the parking slot in front of the pet store. "Ethan.. " Louis wanted to say something but didn't know what. "I.." Louis got out of the car and walked around to the passenger side and opened the door. "Ethan.. can I hug you? Do you want a hug? Will that help?" Louis asked knowing Ethan would get upset if he didn't. Ethan nods and gets out of the car to hug him. He felt himself mentally sigh and also congratulate him. Louis wrapped his arms around his waist, comforting him and Ethan wrapped his arms around Louis's neck tightly. Louis could feel him sobbing into his t-shirt. "Do you want to talk about it?" Louis asks rubbing his back softly. Ethan pulls back from Louis but still keeps hold of Louis's t shirt in his fists. Louis takes notice of all this, knowing Ethan had never done it before because of his homophobia.

"I'm so tired of this Lou.." Ethan says. Louis also noticed him calling him Lou. "Of what?" Louis says gently. "I-I-I-I-I-I.." Ethans stuttering comes out again. "I, hate living." Louis feels his heart drop to the floor. It wasn't fair for such a beautiful human being to have to go through this. He deserved so much better. "..like thisss," Ethan finishes. Louis watched as he took in a shaky breath of air and then yawned. "Ethan, do you want to take a nap?" Louis asks seeing how tired he was. "Please," He says, his mouth wet and thick with sadness. Louis grabs a blanket and a hoodie out of the back of the car. He watches ethan put on one the hoodie and climb into the back seat and he grabs the blanket from him agressively. Louis sat in the drivers seat for 20 minutes until he knew Ethan was asleep before climbing out of the car and leaning against.

He dialed nialls number and heard it ringing. "Hiya mate," Niall cheers, "What's up?" "Fuck, I'm lightheaded, and my head hurts," Louis noticed this as Niall talked loudly. "You okay, Lou?" Niall asked quieting his voice. "Yeah, I just, I was calling just to chat," Louis wanted to sit down on the curb but wanted to be as close to Harry as he possibly could be without waking him up. "Okay, anything wrong?" Niall asked. "Well, I just caused Harry- well actually Ethan, to have an anxiety attack, and now he's sleeping, but I just wanted to talk, I kind of want to get my mind off of it," Louis rubbed his temples to reduce the pain in his head. "Okay, as long as you're okay," Niall said and Louis decided to sit on the curb anyways, but he made sure the car was locked. "Oh, did I tell you about how the other day Zayn came over and," Niall began and Louis listened to his story for the next 10 minutes to keep his mind off of other thoughts.

Louis blew out a sharp breath of air and Niall stopped talking, "Hey, Lou, are you sure your okay?" Louis felt his hands shaking. "Harry..Harry said he," Louis began crying, "He said he hated living, and and that he wants to die," Louis barely got out. He barely noticed the woman walking passed him to get into her car, he barely noticed her stare. "Oh Lou," Niall said. "I think I'm going to be sick," Louis quickly said and he set down his phone next to him as fast as possible. He felt the vile rising up his throat and into the gutter. He heaved for a few more minutes after that. Vomiting made him start crying even harder and he picked up his phone and listened to Niall help him.

***

"Where are you're hamsters?" Louis asks the first worker he saw. "Right back here," She says and they follow her to the back of the store. "Thanks," Louis smiles and she walks off. "Look how cute Lou," Harry says pointing to a brown one. "Wait oh my god look," Harry says and points to a bunch of baby ones laying on a bigger one. "Aww," Louis coos. Suddenly Harry started walking away and Louis followed. "Ooo, Haz we should get a pet snake," Louis says once he sees a snake in one of glass cages. "God no," Harry says and backs away from the glass. Louis laughs too loudly at that, too hard for what he said, but Harry smiles at the sound of his laugh echoing through the large building. Louis didn't know how he could go from sobbing so hard he threw up to laughing at nothing all within 2 hours.

"Aw look at the bunnies," Harry says pointing to them in a cage on the floor. "I like that black one," Louis says pointing to it. "Would you like to hold one?" A worker who was walking by asked. "Yeah, yeah." Louis smiled and looked at Harry who was trying to contain his excitement. "Which one?" The lady asked as she opened the door to the cage. "Um, that one," Harry pointed to the black Louis had previously said he liked. The worker reached in and grabbed him. She briefly showed them how to hold it and she handed it to Harry. "Hiiii," Harry cooed to it. Louis petted the fluff ball in Harry's arms. "Do they have names?" Louis asked. "No, we leave that to the owners," The woman smiled. "Do you want to hold him Lou?" Harry asked. "Yeah," Louis said and they careful shifted the bunny from Harry to Louis. Harry bent down to get a better view of the other bunnies in the cage. "How much do bunnies cost?" Louis wondered, not actually thinking about getting one but still curious. "Well, they usually range from 15 pound to 50 pound, but it's really all the stuff you need for it that cause the cost to go up." She said. "Louis!!" Harry said, causing Louis to jump and the bunny to claw him. "Ouch, fuck," Louis said trying to get the bunnies claws out of his shirt. "Louis look at that one," Harry pointed, "the one behind the little house thing, in the corner," Louis searched for it. "Aww he's cute," Louis said. "Can I hold that one?" Harry asks excitedly. The worker nodded and reached back to grab him. "She's kind of shy," She says and hands it to Harry. "Um," Louis said. "Oh, do you want me to put that one back?" She asks Louis. "Yeah, thanks," Louis handed it to her.

"Lou," Harry pouted but still with a smile on his face. "Look how cute she is," Louis watched Harry's smile grow bigger and his dimple appear. The smile on Harry's face made Louis fall in love with him again and again. "What do we need for her?" Louis asked the worker. Harry looked surprised but extremely ecstatic. "Well," She began and led them around the store telling them everything they'd need while Harry continued to ogle over the bunny.

***

"Lou I can't believe you just bought this bunny," Harry said. Louis smiled and said, "Can you hand me one of those screws?" Harry handed it to him. Louis was finishing putting together the bunny cage and Harry was playing with the bunny. "Where are we gonna keep her?" Harry asks. "Well, i dont know, cause if we keep the cage in here its kind of close to the kitchen and it might not smell the best, um, we could put her in the living room off the terrace?" Louis says. "Yeah but we never hangout in there," He responds. "Where else could we put her?" "Yeah you're right, let's keep her in there," "Okay what should we name her?" Louis asks. "Hm, smokey..max..chestnut?" Harry started naming off names. Louis hears his text alert but doesn't reach to answer it and continues working on the cage. "Max? But she's a girl?" Louis laughs. "Names dont have genders Louis!!" Harry yells, making fun of feminists (even tho he is one). "Bambi? Or biscuit?" Louis suggests. "Basil, Chipper?" He continued naming everything that popped into his head. "Basil!!" Harry says. "Yeah?" "Yeah, don't you think she'd make a cute Basil?" "Yeah, it'd be cute, so Basil it is," Louis smiles. Louis finished up the last few things on the cage and they place Basil and all the toys and food and water they got, in it.

"Do you want me to make you something for a late lunch?" Harry asks as he stands up to wash his hands. "Uh sure," Louis was distracted by his phone. He read his text which was from his friend Geoff Redknap, 'Hey Louis, I'm back at my house in London for a job, wanna catch up and do something tonight?'. "Hey Haz, what are you doing tonight?" He asks him. "Well I uh, I.." Harry didn't like where this was headed. "My friend is in town and he wants to catch up," "Oh, who?" Harry was avoiding looking at Louis. "Geoff.. Redknap, I think you met him a few times, but uh once was when I took you to that art expose thing a while back." "Oh," Harry nods. "Will you be okay here if I go out and see him tonight?" Louis asks. "I mean yeah, I'll be fine." Harry says and hands Louis the salad he just made for him. "Okay I'm gonna text him back then," Louis fishes out his phone.

'Yeah ! Does dinner at Anima e Cuore sound good? meet there at 6?' Louis sends, getting a quick replying saying it all sounds good. "What do you want to do until I go?" Louis asks and starts hastily shoveling the salad into his mouth. "I think I'm gonna see if I can go into work.. see if theres anything I can do to help today.." Harry says. "But it's Sunday?" Louis questioned. "Yeah." Harry responds and picks up his salad and stalks off to the bedroom. "Fuck," Louis mumbles knowing he's hurt Harry by leaving him.

But Louis is so frustrated by that, by the fact that he feels guilty anytime he does anything without Harry. He shouldn't have to feel guilty for catching up with old friends, and he shouldn't have to always feel obligated to invite Harry along either. Sometimes Louis just wants to hangout with his friends without having to worry about Harry switching or being cautious that he doesn't get triggered. It's a bit of a nuisance but Harry always makes him feel like shit when he does things without him. "Harry?" Louis says and peeks into the bedroom. Harry was sat on the couch watching E! News and eating his salad. "Harry," Louis stands behind him. Harry ignores him. "Harry it's not fair that you always make me feel guilty for hanging out with my friends. I need to have more than just you as a friend, and-" Louis started but was cut off. "Why? Am I not enough for you?" Harry snaps. Louis hesitates unsure if it was Harry or Ethan he was talking to. "It's Harry, by the way," Harry says reading his mind.

"Of course your enough for me Harry, you 110% are. But like any other human, we need to have more than just each other, we won't end up happy if we spend all of our time with each other." Louis says. "No one but you likes to be around me," Harry softens. "That's not true," Louis says and sits down next to him.

***

"Okay bye love, be safe at work, call me if you need a ride okay?" Louis gives Harry a peck on the lips and Harry gets out of the car. "I love you!" Louis yells and Harry yells it back and Louis watches until he's safely inside the building and then drives off, hurrying to get to the restaurant on time.

Louis walks up to the host at the restaurant and opens his mouth to ask her if Geoff had arrived yet but he stopped when he saw Geoff waving at him. He smiled at the host and walked to the table Geoff was at. Geoff stood up to hug him and they sat down across from each other. "Hey mate, what's been happening? How've you been?" Louis asks. "I've been great man, how are you and your boy?" He smiles. "We're good, yeah. Harry's been, well he's been as good as he gets, but yeah, we're good." Louis tries to smile. 'Shit', Louis thinks, 'I've just bummed out the whole dinner'. "Is he doing any better?" Geoff asks. "I mean, I don't know to be honest, he did just see a a doctor last week which is good. It was a pretty big step for him, but I don't know if he's going to go much further than that." "That's a good step forward, it really is, don't doubt him." He smiles. "Yeah," Louis says.

The waiter introduces himself and gets them each a beer. "What about you Louis? How are you feeling about all of it? I know people always ask about Harry and worry about him, but you are dealing with it as well." This was why Louis loved Geoff, they had only hung out a few times but he still genuinely cared for Louis, which to be honest, doesn't happen all that often. No one ever asked Louis how he was, not unless he made it seem like he wanted them to ask first, but Louis knew most people hated to be burdened with it and he didn't really want to make the whole night about him so he said, "I'm good, I'm so happy he's finally starting to do something about it," and he fakes a smile. "Louis, you don't have to do that with me," Geoff knows he's hiding his feelings. "C'mon, you shouldn't keep this all bottled up," Louis takes a deep breath in and out and then reaches for his beer and Geoff chuckles at that.

"It's just, he hasn't made any improvement since I've met him, well, going to the doctors was an improvement, but before that. I mean we've been together for like a year and a half, and I don't know. Of course I'm happy he did that, but if he's not gonna do anything more than that then it doesn't really do anything to help. The doctor recommended him a bunch of therapists and life coaches and therapy groups and I even told him I would go with him but he says he doesn't need it. And she offered him antidepressants as well but he denied them. And like tonight, when I told him we had plans he got all hurt and didn't talk to me or look at me because he's not used to us being apart from each other besides work. So I told him that I need to have more than just him as friends, and that he does too, but he was just offended, he thought I meant he wasn't good enough. He told me that no one he meets likes to be around him if I'm not there," Louis just threw all of that out not even thinking about what he said. He shook his hands out and reached for his beer and guzzled as much as he could. "You're right, it's not fair for him to do that to you. You shouldn't feel guilty for hanging out with your friends and it's a good thing you told him that. But what do you think makes him think no one wants to be around him if you're not there?" Louis had finished his beer by then. The waiter stopped by to take their orders and Louis ordered another beer before he began again. "I don't know, I mean I guess I see where he's coming from with that, but Niall and him hangout without me sometimes. Him and Niall were just hanging out last week." Louis shrugged. "Does he tell you what he does when you're not home and he's home alone? Or how he feels?" Geoff asks. "I uh, well I usually ask him what he did while I was gone but he usually just says he just watched tv or something, I don't really remember because I haven't left him home alone in a while. One time when I left him home alone a few months ago he burned himself, I think that was the last time I left him alone. And I don't really ask how he felt while I was gone," Louis responds. "Burned himself? Like, on purpose?" Geoff asked. Once Louis realized what he'd said he started getting anxious about Harry being home alone and was glad he was at work right now. "Uh, yeah," Louis said avoiding eye contact.

***

Harry had only been working for 30 minutes when his boss came over to him, "Well Harry, I'm gonna head home now but if you want to stay here with Jake and keep working then thats okay with me, will you gonna be okay with that?" Michael wanted to make sure Harry was comfortable with being alone with someone he wasn't very familiar with. "Yeah I'll be okay," Harry smiled and Michael nodded and walked towards Jake. Harry figured he was going to tell Jake about Harry and what to expect but he didn't mind, he was used to it.

Michael quickly said bye to the both of them again and left in the elevator, and only 20 minutes after that Jake came up to him. "Harry, I'm gonna go have a smoke, you want to keep me company?" he asked. Harry hesitated but put down the clothes he was holding nonetheless and followed Jake out onto the large terrace. "You want one?" Harry watched Jake grab a blunt. He was surprised it was a blunt and not a fag but he found himself glad, because he knew fags were a lot worse for you than blunts. Harry reached for the joint Jake was holding out for him. It wasn't his first time smoking weed, Louis had a friend come over once and offered some to the both of them, and that certainly wasn't Louis's first time, before Louis met Harry most of his friends smoked and he would with them, if they asked him to. But he never went out and bought it or looked for it. Harry remembered the first time he smoked it. He remembered feeling happy for once, and he knew it was an artificial happiness, stemming from the effect of the weed, but he enjoyed it, and he remembers Louis enjoying himself as well. Harry had been feeling sorry for himself all night, and he just wanted to be happy.

He watched Jake light both blunts and Jake sucked on it. "Is this your first spliff?" Jake asked, the smoke puffing out of his mouth with each word. Harry sucked the filthy air into his lungs and refused to allow himself to cough when it came out. "No, but it's only my second." His voice strained a bit from holding in the coughs. "I like coming in to work at night, when theres less people around, they block my creativity. Being high helps my creativity a lot." Jake says. "Is that why I've never seen you around during the day?" Harry asks. "Yeah, Michael agreed that my work is better when I'm here alone, and I've been working with him for 4 years, so he trusts me." "Does he know you get high?" Harry wonders. "Not exactly, I've never straight up told him and he's never asked but, he's come in once or twice when I'm not expecting it and I'm sure he smelled it on me." "So you've just worked out a different schedule with him then?" "Yeah pretty much, I mean, I still have to come in to work meetings, but yeah. I usually come in at 7 at night on weekends and stay till 2 or 3 in the morning. And on weekdays i come in at 9 and leave at 4. Oh actually I don't come in on all weekdays, I usually take Tuesdays and Fridays off." "That's cool," Harry could feel the effect of the weed starting in his blood now. Feeling it make him more relaxed and happy, more at ease.

***

"You should show me your studio, I'd love to see it," Geoff says as they walk out of the restaurant. "Yeah okay," Louis says, "Did you drive?" "No I took an Uber," "Okay, I'll drive us to it then," Louis said and they hopped into the car. --

"Holy shit, Louis. How did you score such a big warehouse?" Geoff gaped. "I don't know, my manager got it for me, I don't really know how he manages to pay for it to be honest, but yeah I love it." "What are you working on right now?" "I'm working on this sculpture over here," Louis walks to it and puts his hand on top of the plastic wrap covering it, "It's kind of just a blob right now, I'm not very far into it," He shrugs. Geoff started walking around the warehouse looking at all the art work he had scattered randomly. Louis spotted the bags of art supplies he had bought earlier and he brought them over to one of the empty tables and started pulling them all out of the bags. He felt Geoff come up next to him. "You bought liquid latex?" He asks. "Yeah, I wanted to see if I could start using it. It's not really used in sculptures ever and I figured I'd try it." Louis responds. "Do you want to do special fx makeup?" Geoff wondered. Louis just shrugged. "Do you want me to show you how to?" This was what Geoff specialized in. "Yeah, that'd be cool," Louis says.

"Do you have any styrofoam heads?" He asked. "Uh, yeah," Louis said and started searching for them. Geoff looked around for all the other things he'd need as well. Louis ended up finding a styrofoam head in a trunk under a bunch of blank paper and set it down on the table Geoff had been putting the stuff he was collecting on. "Oh, you're in luck that I'm slightly obsessed with keeping my hair nice, this hairspray will make a good release." Geoff said, and to be honest Louis had no idea what he was talking about or why he had a mini can of hairspray in his coat pocket.

"Okay, so it's pretty easy not gonna lie, pretty much all you need to do is draw out the line of where the main cut or injury will be," Geoff grabbed a red colored pencil and Louis watched him lightly etch a shape onto the nose, and again on the forehead and cheek. "I found these pieces of plexiglass- is it okay if I use them?" Geoff asked and Louis nodded. "So I'm thinking this look will be like, a glass got shattered on the side of his face, pretty violently I guess, and theres pieces of glass in his face and blood everywhere. So next, we.. We grab the latex that we poured out, and since I don't have a sponge and I don't want to ruin your brushes, I'm just going to use my fingers to build up the edges, so that the cut is deep and not flat." Louis nodded, that made sense. "And after this dries, I'll paint the inside of the cut red, and then basically drench it in fake blood. Oo, and if I had scab blood I'd layer that in the cut before I place the glass in it." Geoff continued dipping his fingers in the latex and building up the sides. "You lost me there mate," Louis laughs.

"You should make one too, you can do a simpler one, just like one big cut on the face or something," Geoff suggests. "Uh, okay," Louis shrugs and walks over to the trunk to grab another styrofoam head.

***

"Holy shit man!" Geoff gaped once he saw Louis's finished look, "That's honestly really fucking good for a first timer, mine took at least two months of doing it everyday before it looked like that." "Is it really that good?" Louis asked looking at it again. "Yeah, you really did a great job blending out the edges into the skin, I guess that's probably because you have to blend and smooth so much with sculpting," Geoff claps Louis on the shoulder. "Are you done with yours?" Louis asked pointing to it. "Yeah, it would normally be better but I had to make due with red paint instead of fake blood." Geoff said and stepped back looking at his makeup look. "Eh, I'm not really that impressed with it, I know I can do a lot better," Geoff shrugged. "I think it's really good, mate," Louis responded. "Thanks, but honestly I wish I would have-" He began but Louis's phone had started ringing. He looked around quickly to find a towel to wipe his hands on, them being splattered in red paint and bits of dried latex stuck to his fingers.

"Hi Haz," Louis answered. "Louuuu," Harry said and Louis laughed slightly confused at him. "Can you..." Louis waited for him to finish his question but when he didn't Louis asked, "What?" "Oh, can you, come pick me up?" Harry said. "Yeah, that's fine, uh, wha-" Louis began to ask what time it was but cut himself off just checking on his phone himself. "It's half past 10? Damn," Louis said. "Okay I'll be there in a bit," Louis said knowing Harry wasn't really paying attention to him anyway. He could hear someone talking to Harry and he hung up texting him instead, just to make sure he knew he was on his way.

"Okay, well wheres your flat at? I can drop you off on my way to pick up Harry," Louis said and they both began cleaning up the warehouse.

***

"Hi babe," Louis said as Harry slid into the passenger seat of Louis's white range rover. Louis noticed Harry waving to a man who was standing outside having a smoke. "Who's that?" Louis didn't let his voice show how jealous he was. "Just Jake," Harry smiled. Louis leaned over to give Harry a kiss on the lips. "Harry, you smell like," Louis sniffed, "weed," Louis scrunched his nose, not liking that his friend had gotten the smell of it on him. "Yeah? I brought you a present," Harry smiled, reaching into his pocket. Louis watched for a second, but then realized they hadn't pulled off from building. He looked up to see if this 'Just Jake' guy was still standing there but he wasn't. He tried to look out of Harry's window to see if he could see him up on any of the decks of the office building but found he couldn't see anything due to the roof of the car being in the way. He tore is eyes from outside looking back at Harry. "What's that?" Louis said turning on a car light so he could properly see it. His eyes widened. "Harry.. is that what I think it is?" Louis wasn't mad. Maybe him being high was what had caused him to be so smiley and nice to Jake when he was getting in the car, that wasn't exactly typical Harry actions. Obviously he knew about Harry smoking weed that one time, but he didn't really think he'd liked it very much and didn't think he'd ever be going near one again. If Louis had known Harry liked them, he probably would have brought one home every once in a while.

"It's a blunt, do you want it?" Harry handed it to him. "No. No. I'm driving." Louis said as he put it in a cup holder, reaching to turn off the light and driving off. To be honest, Louis had definitely driven while high before, probably way too many times to have not been caught, but before he'd met Harry he didn't really seem to care if he'd been in an accident, he wouldn't have cared if he got himself killed. He was glad Harry had changed that, and glad that he knew he'd never drive under the influence again, not wanting to get in an accident and kill someone. Especially if Harry was in the car. "Well, do you want it when we get home?" Louis noticed Harry was talking much louder than normal, and he hadn't looked away from where he was staring out his window. "I didn't know you liked being high?" Louis didn't answer Harry's question. "I didn't..." Harry zoned out again. "Haz," Louis snapped in front of his face. "Oh, I don't really like it, but I don't dislike it either, he offered, so I just took it," He said.

Louis began remembering what Geoff had told him at dinner, what he told him to ask Harry. "Okay. So what else did you and.. Josh do, other than smoke spliffs?" Louis asked, trying to look at Harry but knowing he should keep his eyes on the road. "Jake," Harry corrected, "We uh, just worked, I mostly folded clothes and cleaned up a bit, Jake created designs, and I watched." Harry jumbled his words around a bit, not making perfect sense but doing his best. Louis took note of that because normally when Harry began talking in really bad grammar he'd switch to Logan, who had a major pet peeve with bad grammar. Louis paused for a moment after Harry responded. Racking his brain for what else Geoff had told him to ask, he watched Harry braid a piece of his own hair, except it was a piece from the middle of his head so he had it pulled down directly in front of his eyes. Louis chuckled a bit. "How do you feel?" Louis remembered the other question. "I'm good, I'm relaxed, and kind of tired. But but but also kind of have energy," Harry stuttered. "Were you nervous, when you first met uh, John?" Louis still couldn't manage to remember his name. "Jake, and yeah, I always am." Harry said, suggesting his social anxiety again. "But you seemed pretty friendly with him when I picked you up?" "Yeah, I think the marish-wana helped," Harry purposely said the word wrong and Louis found it incredibly adorable. "Oh yeah," Louis parked the car, "I've heard some people use it as an anxiety medication, or coping mechanism thing, whatever they would call it, I don't know," Louis hopped out of the car and grabbed the blunt and watched Harry skip to the front door but with his eyes half closed. "Oooo, bunny!" Harry yelled once he remembered about Basil. Louis walked in behind him and made sure to lock the door.

*************************

A/N: omg guys this chapter is almost 7k words are you proud of me I'm fucking proud of me. anyways um Geoff Redknap is a sfx artist he has worked on the show supernatural (which i fucking love omg destiel is cute and JARED i love him, he's my dad). also i made a parody instagram account for louis in this fic its @LouisArtsShit if you wanna follow and ifb as well.

but in personal news.. LOUIS'S FUCKING IN UTAH I LIVE IN UTAH HES LITERALLY HERE AS IM TYPING, my cousin and i drove like 30 minutes up to park city yesterday which is where he is and we walked up and down main street for i kid you not 6 or 7 hours AND LOUIS WAS SPOTTED ON MAIN STREET TWICE but we still didn't meet him so I'm fucking sad pray for me i meet him before he leaves???? anyways, i love you guys xx -bella


	6. Chapter 6

Louis paused and reached over to grab his phone. "Hello?" He answered and walked towards the guest bedroom, just walking around aimlessly while on the phone. "Hi, Louis Tomlinson? This is Doctor Knowlton," She stated. "Oh, what's up?" Louis hopped up onto the bathroom table and swung his legs. "We got your blood results back, and your blood is very thin and you don't have as much as you should, and that could just mean your severely anemic and need blood transfusions, or it could be much more serious." She informed. Louis opened his mouth to say something but couldn't come up with anything. "We would like you to come in to have a CT Scan, just to be sure everything is okay," Louis listened. "Oh, okay, uh what's that?" "To sum it up, you'll be lying down on a bed, and you will be scanned which means they just take a bunch of high res x-rays from different angles and combine them to assure there isn't any internal damages that could be causing you to be light headed and vomiting and also be so low on blood. Do you remember being hit in the head anytime recently? Or just being hit extremely hard in a vital place?" She explained. "I uh, no not at all, I definitely don't recall getting hit by anything," Louis responded, slightly confused. 

"Okay, so I'd like for you to come in on Wednesday at 3, does that work for you?" She asked. "Yeah, that works, um, do I need to do anything to prepare or..?" Louis still had no idea what to think of this, to be honest, he had barely any idea what was happening. "No nothing will be needed before hand, but if you have any questions feel free to call this number and we can get them answered for you," And after that they quickly exchanged goodbyes and made sure the plans were set and hung up.

Louis let out a long breath. He had no clue what just happened. Why were they having him do a CT Scan? She didn't even say any of the possibilities it could be. Could it be cancer or could it just be something you could fix with a small surgery? How was he going to tell Harry? He pushed that thought away for a moment and decided to stand up and do some research on it.

***

2 hours later, after Louis has done research for about 30 minutes and only worked himself up, he decided he needed to get back to work and relax instead of stressing. He had his Spotify playlist called 'Work Jams' that him and Harry had spent hours perfecting blasting through the warehouse. His hands were drenched in plaster as he moved his hips and danced along to Hurricane by Bridgit Mendler. "Standing in the eye of the hurricane!" He yelled and shook his head to flick the fringe out of his eyes. He danced a few steps over to the bucket of plaster and grabbed a handful and dumped it on the piece he was working on. He started smoothing it into the right shape, but got distracted by the song. "He picks me up like, he's got the way of the hurricane," Louis sang and spun in a circle, holding his hands out from his body, careful not to get plaster all over him, but the spinning fast had caused some of the plaster to fall off his fingers and splat to the ground and on some of the tables around him. -

The song ended just as Louis felt a pair of arms wrap around his waist and he startled a bit. He heard Harry sing the last few words that had just played in his ear. "Hi love," Louis turned around and looked at him, but awkwardly didn't know what to with his hands due to the mess. Harry gave him a soft kiss and then let go of him. "What are you doing here?" Louis asked and debated whether to wash his hands or keep working. "Michael gave me an hour long lunch break and I thought I'd come visit," Harry leaned against a table next to the one Louis had the sculpture he was working on. Louis grabbed another handful of plaster, repeating the same process of getting it into the correct hand shape.

"Should we go out?" Louis questioned, keeping his eyes on the sculpture. "I was thinking we would just get postmates from Cafe Route?" Harry responded.

***

Louis had kept working while Harry ordered their food and just chatted to Louis. But now their food had arrived and they were both sat on the cold cement floor of Louis's warehouse, eating sandwiches and soups, soft music playing in the background. "Haz, why don't you want to try a therapy class?" Louis asked carefully, trying not to push him over the edge. "I don't know, they can't get rid of my DID so it doesn't really matter, it's just a waste of my time I guess." Harry shrugged and took another bite of his sandwich. "They can't get rid of it completely, but they can help you cope with it, they can help you lessen triggers," Louis watched Harry finish chewing. "I guess I don't really want their help, it makes me feel weak and incapable," Harry frowned a bit but a small, mouth-still-closed, smile popped on Louis's lips as he reached over and wiped off a piece of lettuce stuck to Harry's lip. Harry chuckled a bit and Louis was glad he wasn't taking this too hard. "You shouldn't feel weak Harry. You have had to deal with something no one should ever have to. Actually you've had to deal with multiple things," Louis was suggesting his depression as well as his DID. "And the fact that you've been living with it for so long and are still here, still doing well in life, still succeeding /and/ following your dream, that shows all the strength you have. No one I know, besides you, can do all that while dealing with what you're dealing with." Louis finished. He scraped the last bits of soup out of the polystyrene bowl.

"No one else sees it as a strength," Harry argues. "No body else matters Haz, /you/ matter. It matters what /you/ see it as," Louis stood up and threw away the empty containers in the bin and walked towards Harry. He held out his hand and Harry grabbed it, using Louis's weight to pull himself up. "I love you," Louis says. "I love you more," Harry responds, he takes the initiate to kiss Louis. The kiss was full of love, not needy, just affectionate and lustful.

"You just gotta let it go," Louis sang along to the song once they had pulled away. The song had changed to I Need Some Sleep by Eels. "I need some sleep," Harry began as well, "Time to put the old horse down, I'm in too deep," They slowly danced in a circle, just sharing the moment until the song changed. "Oh no! See you walking round like its a funeral!!" Harry yells suddenly and Louis bursted into laughter at the sound of Harry's voice going from soft and perfect to screaming. Harry was still singing, well more like screeching, the lyrics. Louis was buckled over in laughter. "Talk to me baby!" Louis screams in as well now. "Let's lose our minds and go fucking crazy!" They both danced until Harry banged his hip on the corner of a table.

"Ouch fuck," He laughed, "What a mood killer," He gripped his hip. "That's gonna leave a bruise," Louis said. "Damn, I like it when you leave bruises on my hips not when tables do," Harry joked and Louis grinned cheekily. "Lou do you think you have any cocktail sticks? I've got something stuck in my tooth," "I think I do, somewhere in here..." He spun in a circle on his heel to walk the opposite way and search for one.

***

Louis slammed the front door shut and dropped his hoodie on the floor by the door. "Lou?" Harry walked in to the front room holding Basil in one arm. Louis was mumbling angrily under his breath, as he toed his shoes off and kicked them closer to the wall. "What's wrong?" Harry asked and walked a bit closer. Louis didn't respond but walked towards the fridge to get a drink. "Son of a bitch," Louis said after he stubbed his toe on the kitchen island. "Lou, what's happened?" Harry tried again. He set Basil on the table right in front of him and held on to her so she wouldn't move away. "Nothing really, just got in a bad mood," Louis grumbled. "Are you sure nothing happened?" Harry watched Louis gulp down a class of water and set the glass cup into the sink. "Nothing fucking happened," Louis snapped. Harry decided to drop it, but that didn't leave him any less confused. He didn't think Louis was mad at him for anything, last time they had spoken when Harry was going back to work just 4 hours ago they were fine and happy.

Louis walked to their bedroom and Harry had stopped too put Basil back in her cage before following Louis in as well. Harry was on his way to the bedroom when he heard a thump and he quickened his steps. When he walked in the room he was met with Louis sitting on the floor, his knees bent slightly awkardly as he had fallen. Harry went to bend down and see if Louis was okay as Louis brought his face up from staring at the floor. He was crying, not hard, just silent tears rolling down his face.

"Oh, Lou. Are you okay? Did you get hurt?" Harry asked and scooped him up, setting him on the bed and kneeling in front of him. Louis just shook his head no as the tears still slid down his face and onto his neck, some landing on his t shirt. "What's wrong baby?" Harry asked, wiping the tears off his face. "I don't know, I was on my way home and I was in a perfectly fine mood but then someone cut me off and it just set me off, and I had one of my finished sculptures in the car with me and when the guy cut me off I had to slam on my breaks and it slid and smashed so that upset me and then stubbing my toe made me even more mad and then I came in here and slipped, I don't know why, and it just made me start crying." Louis jumbled out, he sounded sad, but not anywhere near as sad as he had been the other day while crying on the phone with Niall. "It's okay Lou, you can just make a different statue, who knows maybe this one will be better?" Harry tried comforting him, but in all honesty it didn't really work. The only reason that it somewhat helped was that it was slightly funny /how/ he was trying to comfort him.

Louis's tears had stopped and he immediately decided right now was a good time to tell Harry. "Harry, I have something I need to tell you," Louis stated. "Okay?" Harry said and sat up next to Louis instead of in front of him. Louis turned a bit more so they were actually facing each other and began. "Uhm, so Doctor Knowlton called back with my blood test results, and she said that I have very thin blood and not very much of it, which is what could be causing the headaches and nausea and it could just be anemia, which just means low iron and I would have to take iron supplements or get blood transfusions. Or she said because I have so little blood that it could be something more serious," He explained and paused to take a look at Harry's reaction.

Harry's mouth was closed but his lips were just ever so slightly pressed together tighter than normal, no one who didn't know Harry as well as Louis would've even noticed. "And uh, so they want me to go in and get a CT Scan," Louis let out a breath as he finally said the worse part. Harry still didn't say anything. "Haz you're scaring me," Louis said and reached out and set a hand just above his knee. "Did she say what it could be if it's not just anemia?" Harry finally spoke. "No, but I looked up possible things it could be-" Harry cut Louis off by saying, "Why would you do that Lou, that's just gonna make you more anxious than you already are," "I know, some of the things were terrifying, I mean like some of them said that it could even be early symptoms of brain can-" Louis was cut off for a second time. "Don't. Don't Lou," Harry shook his head and grabbed Louis and pulled him to his chest.

"Haz, I'm scared," Louis whispered. "I know, but it will be okay, it'll be okay," Harry said and held onto his small boy.

***

2 hours later, after they had showered, eaten dinner, and watched the latest episode of The Walking Dead, Louis received a text. "Niall said him and some lads are going to a concert, they bought out a whole box and they have extra spots, do you wanna go?" Louis asked, his legs were draped over Harry's lap, leaning against the sofa arm. "Whose all going?" Harry reached to turn down the volume of the tv, which had been set on a rerun episode of Threesome. "Niall said, Liam, Nathan, James, Zayn, Maisie, Freya, and Imogen. And he said the box holds 12." Louis read the names that Niall had sent to him. He knew all of them except for Maisie and Nathan, the rest he had met throughout the year, although it had been a while since he'd seen any of them, having not hung out with friends in almost 2 months, (besides Niall of course).

"I don't know any of them though," Harry stated. "We don't have to go," But I really fucking want to, Louis added in his head. "You know Niall, oh and you've met Imogen and Liam and James before. The only one you haven't met that I've met is Zayn," Louis added. "Yeah but... Can I invite Jake?" Harry asked suddenly. "Er, yeah I guess," After all, Louis did want Harry to get more friends, he just didn't know how he felt about this guy. He hasn't actually met the guy, so it is quite unfair for him to already hate him, he just hated that he had given Harry marijuana without his permission.

Harry had his phone out, typing a text to Jake. "Niall said the concert has technically already started, but it's just the opening bands, but we should try and be there at half past 8 which is in 45." "Okay, um, what concert is it?" Harry laughed a bit. "Oh right, it's Adele." Louis states and Harry goes back to typing on his phone. Louis tried to move his feet up from Harry's lap but Harry's left hand had a grip too tight on his ankle. "Um, Haz, I do need to get up, love, that'd be great," Louis shook his head and laughed.

***

"Haz, you ready?" Louis yelled up to Harry, grabbing the car keys and slipping on his green and white high top adidas. "Uh..." Harry reached to grab his cologne and sprays it on him quickly, "Yeah!" he pushes his phone into his back pocket and walks out of the bedroom, meeting Louis at the front door. "Whoo," Louis yelled at the sight of Harry. Harry smiled big but still looked shy. "You look soo hot," Louis grabbed his hip and pulled him closer. Harry was wearing a pale blue button up and black jeans, seemingly simple, but Louis just couldn't help but ogle over the color of the shirt next to Harry's tan skin.

Louis just held Harry close in front of him and admired him for a few seconds, a soft smile playing on his lips. His eyes were littered with love as Harry spoke, "And you look godly tonight," Harry tugged on the collar of the leather jacket Louis was wearing over a plain white tee. Louis swiped his fringe out of his eyes, he'd worn it down tonight but it was getting quite long, he needed to go in for a hair cut.

"Shall we go?" Louis bit his lip, hiding his smile. "Yeah," Harry said and went to move but since Louis's hands were still gripped on his hips, he pulled him in for a kiss first. "Grab your coat, boo. It's cold out," Louis spoke after they pulled away and Harry grabbed his black coat off a hanger by the door and they were out the door.

They had all decided to meet at Niall's house since his place was only a 5 minute drive (without the concert traffic) from the arena. Louis, Harry, and Jake, who they'd picked up on the way, pulled into Niall's driveway. Louis hopped out of the car and ran around quickly to open Harry's door for him. "Lou-ehhhh!!" Louis heard from behind him as Harry was getting out of the car and two seconds later Louis felt something smack into his back. "Oh fuck, jesus Niall," Louis swore and stumbled forwards bumping into Harry a bit. Niall laughed loudly in his ear and wrapped his arms more securely around Louis to hold onto him tighter.

"Mate get off of me," Louis pushed him off. He noticed Harry talking to Jake and then reach back into the middle console of the car to grab something. Niall let go and stepped back. "Hey Harry, doesn't your favorite Irish get a hug hello. Especially after the bonding we had last time we saw each other," Niall winked and walked closer to hug Harry.

"What was that?" Louis asked them. "Oh, Harry did you not tell your boyfriend what we did?" Niall smirked looking between Louis and Harry. "Niall, no," Harry shook his head at Niall. "Niall, what happened after I went to bed last week?" Louis was starting to look pissed. "Lou, it's not what Niall is making it seem like it is, but do we really have to tell him right now?" Harry begged with Niall. "No, I want to know," Louis stated. "Hi mate, what's your name?" Niall changed the subject by talking to Jake.

Just then they heard the front door open and people run outside, as they were still greeting in the driveway. "Let's go!!!" Imogen, who led the pack, yelled. Louis quickly made a mental note to bring this up once they had a chance and started greeting everyone.

***

"That show was sick, Adele is such an amazing singer," Niall said as they walked out to the van they had all squeezed into to get to the arena. Everyone agreed and multiple conversations started. "Shotgun!!" Louis yelled and ran to the car. Niall got into the drivers seat and waited for everyone in the back to get settled. "Haz? You in?" Louis turned around in his seat to find his face. "Yeah, I'm in the very back," Harry said and Louis spotted him in the back with 4 others, Jake basically sat on his lap. He turned back around, and pulled out his phone. 'Can he pls not sit on ur lap' Louis sent it to Harry. "So, Niall, wanna tell me what happened between you and Harry?" Louis started. "Hold on." Niall said to Louis and then a bit louder said, "Okay, what bar are we going to?" There was various responses till they decided on one and Niall typed it into the gps on his phone.

"I don't know if Harry wants me to tell you," Niall said. The bar they were going to was only about 15 minutes away, but with the concert traffic it might as well be 45 minutes away. "Too bad, you're telling me anyways," Louis said. 'Theres 5 people back here lou, theres not much room' Harry sent to Louis. Louis grumbled a bit as he read it but put his phone away.

Niall began telling him the basics of the story and was cut off when Louis yelled, "You stole a puppy?!" "Wait what?" Liam said and it was then Louis realized the car had gotten quiet right as he had yelled that. Niall just busted out laughing and Louis looked back at Harry. "You stole a dog?!" He repeated, this time to Harry. "We brought it back," Harry said. "You-" Louis began. "That's sick man," Nathan said and fist bumped Harry. "Well, technically it was Niall's idea," Harry said. "That's awful, how did the owner not notice?" Freya asked. "If the owner didn't even notice his dog was stolen then he doesn't really deserve to have a dog," Liam said. "I agree," Maisie spoke up. Louis was having trouble keeping up with who was saying what, especially not knowing any of them very well. "Okay, but they still shouldn't've stolen a puppy," Louis looked at Harry again. "We were drunk! We didn't know what we were doing," Niall defended. Everyone laughed as they explained what happened.

***

"Harry hasn't talked to anyone but me and Jake all night," Louis told Liam and Zayn after Harry had gotten up to go to the bathroom. "Jake and I," Zayn corrected him. "Oh fuck off Mr. I'm-A-Writer," Louis joked and Zayn smiled. "That's normal for him though, isn't it?" Liam responded. "Well, yeah, but I was just hoping he'd talk to more people, I mean he hasn't even talked to either of you, has he?" "No, not tonight," Liam said. "Yeah, I only know him through Liam or Niall talking about him," Zayn said. "He didn't even introduce himself?" Louis gaped. Zayn shook his head. "I'm gonna go get him, have him sit down with us," Louis got up and found him walking out of the restroom.

"Haz, do you want a drink?" Louis asked grabbing his hand and pulling him towards the bar. "Yeah," "What's your most popular tequila drink?" Louis asked the bartender. "Our Sangre Maria is our most popular, it's a mixture of pickle, tomato, orange, lemon, lime juice along with horseradish, cholula, tabasco and worcestershire sauce, with red wine and herradura silver," The bartender spit out. Louis originally planned on getting that for Harry but after hearing of all the hot sauces in it decided Harry wouldn't like it, although it sounded pretty good to him. "Okay I'll get one of those and, Haz, what do you want?" Louis asked. "Uhm, can I get a.. old fashioned?" Harry asked, but he was looking at Louis, knowing if he looked at bartender he'd fumble his words. Louis was surprised Harry had gone for a whiskey drink but he looked at the bartender and he got to work. Only a few minutes later the bartender came back with their drinks and Louis payed and carried them to the table they were all sat at, Harry following. Louis sat down in a seat across from Liam, which meant the seat across from Zayn was the only one left.

Before Harry had gotten up he'd been sat where Louis was so he was next to Jake and Louis, but this time Louis wouldn't allow it. Plus Jake was busy flirting with Freya anyways. "Harry, this is Zayn, and you've met Liam," Louis felt odd introducing them considering they'd been hanging out for 4 hours now. Harry just smiled at them in response and scooted closer to Louis, grabbing his hand under the table.

"Are you hungry babe?" Liam asked Zayn. "No, not really," Zayn responded. "You haven't really eaten anything today, are you sure?" Liam looked worried. Zayn sighed and said, "I'll go get some chips," and he stood up and walked off towards the bar. Liam looked at Louis and ran his hands through his hair a few times. "What's up?" Louis asked him. "I'm worried his eating disorder is getting bad again," Liam responded, glancing back to see Zayn was still stood at the bar waiting for his food. Harry leaned against Louis and gave Liam a worried look. "He hasn't really been eating much lately," Liam continued, "I'm scared, and I don't know what to do," "What to do for what?" Zayn asked coming up behind him and setting the plate of chips on the table and then sitting down. "You," Liam said and turned to look at him. "What about me?" Zayn was confused. "Are you getting bad again?" Liam asked back. "Are we really having this conversation right now?" Zayn gestured to where they were and to Harry and Louis who were sat still listening. "Mate, you know Harry and I would never judge you, we understand it's not a choice, you can't help it. We want you to be healthy and happy just as much as you and Li do." Louis said, he wasn't really sure if he should have said that but he did it anyway. Zayn just looked at Louis and Harry for a second before looking back at Liam. "Do you want to see a doctor again? Or go back into a support group? Those helped you a lot for a while," Liam kept pushing it. "Jesus would you shut the fuck up Liam, do you really think I want to talk about this right now?" Zayn suddenly demanded and stood up, stalking off. Liam turned and saw that everyone else at the table had heard Zayn say that and Liam flushed red, embarrassed. "I'll go talk to him," Louis went to stand up but Harry put his hand on his thigh and said, "No, I can do it, let me," Louis was taken aback for a moment but let him go anyway.

Harry followed the direction Zayn had went, looking around to find him, eventually finding him just outside the bar door, sitting on a curb smoking. Harry took a deep breath and shook out his hands, trying to calm himself down and sat down next to him. Zayn turned and looked at him, "I didn't expect it to be you to be the one to follow me out," Zayn said. "Do you want to talk about it?" Harry didn't exactly know what to say. "I've not really got anything to say," Zayn shrugged. "Can I have one?" Harry pointed to the box of cigarettes. "You smoke?" Zayn asked but reached in and grabbed one anyway. Harry shrugged, "Not really," and he lit it. "You know," He sucked in the smoke, holding in a cough out of embarrassment of not being able to handle one puff, "Louis does that to me too," He blew it out and there was a few seconds of silence. "He pushes me to tell him everything and to do certain things, and to be honest I don't blame him for it, if it were him in my place I would probably do the same, but that doesn't make it any less annoying and rude," He finished. "It's so fucking annoying," Zayn spat bitterly. "You know about my DID right?" Harry forgot to make sure he knew, but he figured he did, Louis usually tells everyone so if Harry changes they won't be too caught off guard. "Yeah, Liam and Niall told me," He responds. "No kind of mental illness is easy, or any illness actually, but... Liam and Louis don't really know that everything is easier said than done. They try to understand, and they kinda get it, but not really. They don't know how hard it is to do some of the simplest things," Harry was having trouble with the conversation because Zayn wasn't really talking much. "I don't even want to tell Li that I'm getting bad again, it's so disappointing, for him and for me. Like, I went to support group and was even in a mental hospital for while and eventually I got better, not completely, obviously. But enough for me to not have to worry so much and for Liam to not nag me about it, and I was doing so well, it's been good for like 6 months, and I just don't want to go through it again. I don't want /him/ to go through it again." Zayn spilled out. "I know, the disappointment is the worst part," Harry agreed. "Have you ever been in a support group or anything?" Zayn asked him. "No... Louis wants me to, but.. I don't know, I'm really not a people person, and it just honestly sounds like hell," He responded. "Maybe we can go into one together, like maybe we can find one for just, all mental illnesses, and get both of our boys off our backs," Zayn suggested. "Yeah, I'm tired of Lou nagging me with it," Harry was honestly so sick of it. "I'm just tired of him making me do things I don't want to," Zayn finished his fag and threw it to the ground, digging the heel of his boot into it. "I know, me too, but they only do it out of the good of their hearts," Harry did the same with his leftover cigarette and they both stood up. "Hey um, you can text me if you ever need to, or if you want to get out, without Liam or Louis," Harry said right before Zayn opened the door to go into the bar. "Thanks mate," Zayn smiled.

***

"I'm gonna shower," Harry stated after they'd walked into their bedroom. It was almost 3 am and Louis knew everyone would regret staying out so late considering it was a Monday night and everyone had work tomorrow. "This will be your 2nd shower today," Louis chuckled. "I don't wanna go to work tomorrow smelling like sweat, smoke, and alcohol," Harry defended. "Yeah, I don't care what I smell like," Louis sat down at the desk chair to take of his shoes. "That's because you don't have to interact with anyone," Harry smiled cheekily and walked into the bathroom, turning on the shower.

Louis slipped his jeans off and grabbed a clean t shirt, wearing just his boxers, socks, and a black tee. He sat back down at the desk and grabbed his journal. He began writing down the days events, he was ecstatic to be able to write down that Harry hadn't changed all day, at least to his knowledge. He tried to write down every day how many times Harry had changed, and why, and when, to see if there was any pattern, or to see if he could pin point certain things that triggered them. Usually he was excited to see if there was a pattern that week, because then he knew what to and not to do to help Harry, but today he was happy to say it was just Harry with him all day. That didn't happen very often. In fact the last time that happened was almost two months ago.

Just as Louis was finishing the last sentence he heard a groan come from the bathroom, where Harry had left the door open. Louis rolled his eyes and chuckled, knowing exactly what Harry was doing. He set down the pen and went into the bathroom nonetheless. "Lou," Harry moaned. Louis was leaning against the bathroom door, watching Harry through the foggy glass of the shower. "Lou, fuck me," Harry groaned again. His fingers were deep inside himself as he gasped. "Nah, I think I'll let you finish that, and I'll be out here," Louis smirked and left the bathroom before Harry could say anything else, closing the door this time.

Louis tried to contain himself from gripping his own dick by watching some stupid Reality Tv show, one Harry probably would like. Just over 10 minutes later Harry walked out of the bathroom, a towel wrapped around his waist and one around his head. "Have fun?" Louis smirked at him again. "Sure did, who needs a Louis when I've got these," Harry held up his fingers. "You sure about that?" Louis's dick was only half hard but was beginning to get harder at just the thought of it. "Actually I'm not sure, why don't you show me what you can do to me that my hands can't," Harry growled. "You don't even know the half of it," Louis said switching off the tv. Harry took the towel off his head and crawled next to Louis on the bed. "Take the towel off," Louis motioned to it. "Kiss me," Harry whispered.

Louis grabbed Harry's cheeks, he brought Harry's mouth closer to his own but didn't connect their lips yet, just letting them breathe in each others air for a moment. Harry eventually grew too needy and pulled Louis the rest of the way to his mouth. It started soft just lips on lips, but only a few seconds in, Harry had stepped it up, taking Louis's top lip between his own and sucking. Louis groaned at that. Louis could smell Harry's fresh shampoo smell, specifically, Bumble and Bee's curl shampoo, which smelled of fresh apples and boys mixed into one. He breathed a big waft of it in as he sucked Harry's lips the same Harry had just done to him. "Lou," Harry breathed and pulled away from his mouth, just two inches between their mouths. "Can we use that joint Jake gave me? Both of us," Harry said. A piece of his wet hair flopped down onto his face, hitting them both in the face and leaving them both with just a few dots of water on their face. "Right now?" Louis asked. "Doesn't being high and making love at the same time sound good? It sounds so sensual, I started thinking about it in the shower and that's what made me so hard, I wasn't even horny before I got in," Harry blushed a bit. "Where is it?" Louis asked again, sitting up to get it. "I'll get it," Harry said, the towel around his waist had fallen off while they were making out and Harry stood up, walking out of their bedroom completely naked.

"I've found ittt!" Harry waggled his eyebrows coming back into the room. "Wait, let me open the terrace door," Louis stood up and opened one of them. Since their room had no actual windows, but the terrace was connected to their room it wasn't a big deal. When he turned back around Harry was standing next to the bed, having already lit the spliff he was sucking on it. Louis sat down on the bed, next to where Harry was standing and gripped his hip. Harry climbed over Louis. Sitting on his lap, one knee on either side of Louis, Louis reached up and took the joint from Harry's hand, he twirled it around in his hand and stuck it in his mouth. It'd been too long since he'd gotten high, and to be honest he'd missed it, although he'd never admit that to Harry. "Haz, when did you get so interested in smoking?" Louis wondered, turning his head to the right so he didn't blow the smoke right onto Harry. "I don't know, I mean, I would never go out and /buy/ cigarettes, but I'd like to have a joint, just every once in a while," He was running his hands through Louis's hair as he spoke. Louis took another puff before handing it back to Harry.

"Can we get back to fucking, I'm hard and it's starting to get uncomfortable," Louis suggested. "Yeah, I know, I can feel you," Harry rolled his eyes. He leaned down and started kissing Louis again, grinding his hips against Louis's. "Please, don't forget your holding that and accidentally burn me," Louis said against his mouth, pointing to the joint. Harry smiled big, his dimple appearing, clearly amused by the statement. "Let's be done with it," Harry pulled back and sucked in a puff so long Louis thought he might pass out. "Shit, Harry, you're gonna break your lungs, give me the rest," Louis took it straight from his mouth and put it in his own. "You underestimate my ability, Tommo," Louis's eyes glittered at his nickname. Louis hadn't been called that in quite a few months, Harry preferred to call him Lou because it was softer, and according to Harry, Louis was 'just so incredibly soft'. Louis finished with the spliff in a few more puffs and set it on the bedside table to clean up later.

Harry was grinding his hips against Louis again, and Louis decided he couldn't take it anymore so he flipped them over, putting himself on top of Harry. Louis looked down at Harry who was still completely naked, and hard as well. "Get these clothes off of me," Louis breathed out. He reached down and took his shirt off and then went to take his boxers off, where Harry's hands met his own and Harry helped him take them off.

"I don't want any foreplay tonight, can I just make love to you?" Louis asked, he was feeling mentally and emotionally far away from Harry lately, he just wants to show him how much he loves him tonight. "Yes," He breathed in a sharp breath as Louis's cock brushed his own. "That's all I want tonight, I don't need anything else but you," Harry breathed out.

Louis gripped Harry's cock, while reaching into the bedside table drawer to grab the lube. "Do I need to open you up?" Louis asked, he was desperate to get in Harry. "No, I did that enough for myself.." He gasped as Louis ran his thumb over his tip. "In the shower," He finished. "Don't bring that up, just thinking about you getting yourself off could make me come right now," Louis whispered. He wasn't even sure how he was so painfully hard, they had barely grinded, the only touching they'd really done was making out, which usually didn't get him /this/ hard. He was already lathering himself up with the lube and he put a little bit on Harry's rim as well. "Fuck me, already," Harry groaned, bucking his hips up.

Louis lined himself up with Harry's hole, and pushed himself in. His eyes closed in awe, Harry's as well. Louis slowly started moving in and out, being gentle because Harry wasn't stretched all the way. "Go faster Lou," Harry whined a bit. Louis watched as Harry quickly reached over to grab the leftover blunt and the lighter sat next to it as well and lit it. Still moving inside him Louis said, "Be.. careful Haz.. dont want you.. burning yourself," in between thrusts. "I wi-ill," Harry took a puff and blew it out against Louis's face. Louis breathed it in and leaned down closer to Harry's face. Harry sucked it one more time and right after he took it from his lips, Louis's lips replaced it. Harry breathed it out into Louis's mouth and Louis breathed it in, "Uh god Lou, right there," Harry moaned against his lips as Louis hit his prostate. Louis breathed the rest of the smoke out of his nose and properly kissed Harry. "I-I'm close," Harry gasped. "Hold it in," Louis grunted and handed Harry the blunt. He gripped Harry's cock in his hand again, Harry bucked himself into Louis's hand and sucked what was left of the blunt, which wasn't much. "OH, fuck, Harry, I love you," Louis said. "Kiss me," Harry said for the tenth time that night. "Oh," Louis and Harry both moaned at the same time. Louis leaned down and passionately kissed Harry as his hips got sloppy from being so close. They both came simultaneously, Louis filling Harry and Harry shooting white ropes onto his own chest as Louis kept pumping him with his hand. They both gasped and rode out each others highs.

"God, I love you," Louis said and kissed Harry hard one more time. He pulled out and Harry set down the blunt on the table again. He pulled Louis close to him and held him tight. "I love you so much, Lou, so so much, thank you for taking care of me and always being there for me," He gave him a kiss on the forehead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi. i don't want to talk about me not meeting Louis when he was in Utah. but um this chapter is close to 7k again and i feel like I'm setting the bar too high. also the smut in this is so bad i know. it was my first time actually writing it and I also didn't want it to be to rough or anything because it was supposed be loving. anyways I'm writing a ziam fic and I'm excited so follow me on here or twitter (@paynesfeminist) if you wanna keep up on it. ok bye ily -bella


	7. chapter 7

"Why don't you come in to work with me? There's no point to go into work for only 3 hours. You said you're ahead of schedule, so it won't make a difference. I'll ask Michael if you can," Logan smiled at Louis. She had woken up at 10 instead of 7 today, and was sat on the bedroom floor in front of a full body mirror doing her makeup. Louis was laying on his stomach, his head at the bottom of the bed watching Logan. She paused and texted her boss before continuing.

Louis had been up since 5 though, because his migraine was back, and worse than ever. "Can't I just sleep until the appointment? I was up til 3 and I woke up at 5," Louis groaned. "Don't you want to come with and see what I do at work? Meet some of my coworkers?" She asked. "Well, I wanna but like I don't wanna.. I'll probably get bored." He said. "If you get really bored you can take a nap on one of the couches or out on the terrace, I looked at the weather, it's supposed to lovely today. No rain and warm and sunny." She suggested. "Or I could take a nap in the nice comfort of my own bed," Louis said and rolled onto his back and spreading out his arms and legs taking up the whole bed. "If you really want, but I'd like it if you came to work with me," She said. "Okay, fine, but I'm wearing joggers." Louis sighed. "You're wearing joggers to a Yves Saint Laurent Headquarter?" She laughed. "Yep," He said, popping the p.

He stood up and slipped on socks and shoes and went to brush his teeth and comb his hair. "You ready logan?" Louis stepped out of the bathroom. "Yeah," She said. She had worn black skinny jeans, and a floral button up, not dressed really any differently than if it were Harry at the moment, but she'd put on her pounds of makeup (not hating, Louis thought Logan was as beautiful with makeup as Harry was without) and she'd straightened her hair, something Louis knew Harry would /never/ do. Louis smiled at her. "Let's go boo," He pecked her lips and grabbed the keys as they walked out the front door.

***

"I hate the feeling of this crap," Harry said. Logan had changed back into Harry 2 hours after getting to work and he was desperately wanting to take the makeup off, he hated how greasy it felt. "I have a bag with makeup wipes in the car for you, do you want me to go get it for you?" Louis asked. "Yes please, I need to keep working." He said as he continued picking out color swatches for the drawings of clothes one of the designers had sketched. "Okay, I'll be right back," Louis put his hand on Harry's shoulder and walked over to the elevator.

When it opened he felt someone walk up next to him and get in the elevator with him. "Oh, Louis, do you and Harry want to go to lunch with me next week?" Louis turned and looked at Michael. "Oh, yeah, uh that sounds nice," He smiled. "Great, we can go to a little cafe just at the end of the street, let Harry know for me? I've got to run out but I'll be back and we can discuss days and time," Michael said as he stepped out of the elevator and out the lobby front doors, going the opposite direction Louis went.

Louis went to the passenger seat of the car and dug around in the glove box. He found the makeup wipes and grabbed them before taking the elevator back up. "Here," Louis said and handed the pack to Harry. "Okay, I'm gonna go to the bathroom, I'll be right back." Harry stood up from his chair and started walking off. Louis looked around and saw that everyone was busy and he knew he'd just stand there awkwardly so he quickly ran and caught up to Harry.

He held the bathroom door open for him and followed him in. At Harry's work there weren't separate 'women' and 'men' bathrooms, it was all just open for either, and there were only 4 stalls in the restroom, but Louis liked that it was open and wasn't gender specified, he wished every place could be like that.

Harry stood in front of the mirror and started taking the makeup off around his eyes first. Louis leaned against the wall and watched him. "Oh, Michael and us are going to lunch later this week," Louis remembered. "What? We are?" Harry asked. "Yeah, I saw him when I was getting the wipes and he invited us to lunch, he said he'd be back in an hour to figure out what day," Louis said. "Oh, okay." Harry said and finished up with he last of his makeup. He tossed the used wipe in the trash and quickly pulled his straightened hair into a bun, wrapping the black hair band he kept on his wrist around it, before he walked over to the door, which was next to Louis.

Louis put his hand on Harry's wrist and pulled him to his chest. "I love you," Louis breathed against Harry's lip."I love you more, Lou," Harry replied. Louis leaned the rest of the way and connected their lips. Louis immediately sucked on Harry's lip so he'd open his mouth and Harry obliged. They kissed heavily for a few minutes until Harry pulled away.

Their heads were rested against each others as they caught their breath and Louis reached down with one hand to grip Harry's hard on. Harry closed his eyes for a moment as Louis continued rubbing it. "Louis," Harry breathed out. "We can't do this.. not right now.. not here," Harry said. Louis didn't stop so Harry put his hand on Louis's wrist to stop him. "Louis, as much as I want to, ..I don't, I can't do this here, if one of my coworkers come in.." He shook his head, "I'll be mortified." "Okay, it's okay. Let's just go back out then?" Louis looked at him. "I uh.. yeah, I need a minute though," Harry said. "Okay, I'm going to go sit on one of the couches," Louis said and left the bathroom.

He walked over to the section of couches all facing each other and looked at a man who was sat on the couch. There was 1 couch and two 1 person seats and their was a person in each of the chairs so he pointed to the empty seat next to the man and asked, "This seat taken?" The man shook his head, smiled, and scooted over a bit to give Louis more room. Louis smiled back at him and took a seat. He had picked up his laptop from his backpack, which was sat next to Harry's coat on one of the hangers, and he opened it up.

"Sorry, but I've never seen you 'round here, are you new?" The man who was sat next to him asked. He had a very strong American accent. Louis tore his eyes from the screen that was currently loading a work email. "Oh, no. I'm Louis. Um, my boyfriend, Harry," Louis pointed over his shoulder to Harry who was walking back to his work station. "He works here, and I just came in with him today," Louis grinned proudly. "Oh, okay. Yeah I know, Harry, a hard worker he is. I'm Chris." The man said. "Yeah he is, isn't he? Whenever he's home and has free time he tries sketching new design ideas, he tends to over work himself," Louis said. "Yeah but thats not such a bad thing is it?" Chris tilted his head.

"I guess not," Louis faked a smile that time, knowing Harry overworking himself was not good for his mental health. "Anyways Louis, if you don't work here, what do you do? If you don't mind me asking," Chris changed the subject. "I'm an artist," Louis responded. "Really? What kind of pieces do you make?" "Well, mostly sculptures, I've got a few pieces in some galleries across England, but I do paintings and sketching as well. Recently I've been trying to branch out a bit more and I've just started doing SFX movie makeup, although I've only done it a few times and I'm not very good yet to be honest," Louis shrugged. "Really? All of that, wow. Usually when I meet an artist they tend to stick to to the same types of art. I'm actually a recruiter for new creative designers of any kind. I'm here talking to some of the top designers at Yves Saint Laurent and Burberry as well. Been here about a week to observe. But I'd love to see your work, do you happen to have any pictures?" Chris asked. "Wow um, yeah. I have an instagram, i can pull it up for you?" Louis looked at him. "Yeah, here, do it on my phone." Chris took a second to unlock his phone and open the instagram app.

He handed his phone to Louis and he typed in his username and handed it back to him. Louis watched him for a minute while he scrolled through and looked at his account. "I like your work, but I would suggest making your instagram all business instead of business /and/ lifestyle. Although you don't have to, I know plenty of well known creators with both, it just tends to look better when it's not a mix." Chris suggested, looking at Louis. "Okay, I'll take that into consideration," Louis quoted but knew he wouldn't actually, he couldn't imagine not being able to post what he wanted. "Also, do you mind if I be honest?" Chris asked. "No, go ahead please," Louis appreciated feedback, good or bad, it was always important to him. "Have you found what your signature thing is? You know most artists have one, even if it's something small, but in your pictures I just didn't see anything," Chris explained. "Yeah, I haven't exactly found out my exact thing yet.. I think that's why I've been trying so hard to branch out and try new things, I don't know, I've been struggling with that for about a year. I mean I've been making money off of my art for 3 years but the first 2 I wasn't really trying to figure out my niche, and then I got an actual manager and he's been trying to help me figure it out." Louis sighed, he knew he needed to work harder on finding it, but he also knew he couldn't force it or else it wouldn't come naturally. "It's okay it takes time, but yeah, I'd suggest keep trying new things," Chris smiled. "Chris! Come speak to one of our designers, Ariel," Someone called to him. "I've got to go, but I saw you have your business email in your instagram bio, I might email you," Chris said and stood up before Louis could say anything. Louis went back to responding to business emails.

***

"Fuck Harry, I'm scared." Louis breaths out as they sit down in the hospital waiting room, just after checking in. "I know, but you'll be fine," Harry smiled and pats Louis's leg. Louis took a deep breath in and let it out slowly.

"Go get it!" They both heard a little girl shout at her older brother. She scrambled over to Louis and Harry and she crawled underneath Harry's chair, going between his feet. Harry was confused until she came back out holding a small rubber ball. They watched as she went and sat back down on the floor across from them until her brother rolled it purposely under Harry's chair again. "Mummy!!" She cried and whacked her brother before coming back over to Harry's chair and searching for it. Harry got down on his knees to help her look as well, as the mum scolded the boy.

"I'm not sure where it went," Harry told the little girl, a sad look on his face. She immediately bursted into tears and her face turned red. "Did your mummy just buy you that ball?" Harry asked after he spotted the machine filled with them. She nodded, still crying. "Let's go get you a new one then," Harry said, reaching into his pocket to grab a 20 pence coin out. He held her hand and walked over to the machine. Louis watched as he handed her the coin and she put it in. A smile spread across her face when she got a pink rubber ball in return. "Mummy! I got a pink one!" She yelled as she ran back to her mum and showed it to her. Harry walked back over to Louis and sat down, smiling at the girl and her mother. "Thank you," The mum told Harry.

"Will you play with me?" The little girl came back over to Harry. "Yeah," Harry smiled. She tossed the ball back and forth with him. One of her tosses missed and hit Louis in the chest. "Sorry," She giggled. Louis cracked a smile and tossed it back to her. "Toss it to him again," Harry said softly and pointed to Louis and she did. Louis had made it seem like he wasn't paying attention, but the second the ball was close he caught it in his hands. The little girl gasped, "How did you do that? You weren't even looking!" "Louis?" They heard a nurse call and Louis sucked in a short breath and Harry reached over grabbing his hand. They stood up and the little girl asked, "Where are you going?" with a sad face. "We are going to see a doctor so they can make sure my boyfriend is okay," Harry squatted down to her level. "Boys can have boyfriends? I thought that was only for girls," She questioned but giggled. "Nope, not just for girls," Harry smiled at her and stood up. "Mummy, does that mean I can have a girlfriend?!" She smiled big. Harry saw the mum nod and tell her daughter she could date whoever she wanted which made him smile even bigger.

"Louis Tomlinson?" The nurse looked at them once they were right in front of her. "Yeah, that's me," Louis squeezed Harry's hand and they followed her back.

Once Louis was sat in a chair next to Harry, the nurse started going over everything. "How are you feeling today Louis?" She asked. "Uh, my head has been hurting again today, and it was so bad that I threw up," He says. "What time was that at?" She was checking stuff off on a clipboard. "Uh, I think like 6 this morning, I woke up at 5 with a headache and I couldn't fall back asleep because the pain was too bad, and then I threw up just after 6," He fiddled with his hands. "Okay, so today you'll be having a CT Scan. Which the doctor told you what it is, but let me explain it once more. So first we're going to have you put on this hospital gown with nothing underneath." She opened a drawer and pulled one out and handed it to him. "And the doctor told you not to eat anything after 10 am correct?" She looked at him as he nodded. "Okay so we'll be giving you what's called 'contrast material', which is a drink that will show up in the x-rays, and then while that is settling in we'll lay you down on the bed you'll be on during it, and you can tell us what will make you most comfortable since you'll be lying there for a few minutes and won't be able to move. I suggest you be as picky as possible especially if you're one that has trouble sitting still." She looked at his hands which were still fidgeting and his knee that once bouncing up and down and Harry chuckled and nodded at her. He put his hand over Louis's so that he would stop picking his cuticles.

"After we get you all set up the bed will slide into a tube and you'll hear clicking and whirring noises until it's done. There will also be speakers in there and you'll be able to hear us if we talk to you and you can talk back. And then after we'll have you wait a few minutes to make sure you feel okay because the drink can cause some people to be sick, but if you feel alright then you'll be good to go," She smiled and stands up. "Any questions or concerns?" She looks at Louis. "Uh where will Harry be during it?" He mumbled nervously. "He can be sat in one of the chairs just outside the room, he won't be able to see in as we'll have the blinds closed because it needs to be dark," She says. "Can he be in the room until we start, like when I'm making the bed comfortable can he be in the room?" He jumbled. His heart was beating faster every second and the thought of Harry not being there made it speed up even more. "I'll have to ask your doctor but I'm sure he'll be okay with it. Now I'll be just outside the door, I'll give you a few minutes to put the gown on and I'll be back," She smiled and left the room.

"Fuck," Louis swore the second the door closed. "It's all gonna be okay, it's simple and nothing bad can happen," Harry said and stood up. "Let's get you out of these clothes Lou," Harry smirked at him. Louis didn't smirk back, he just slowly stood up, a worried look not leaving his face for even a moment. He stripped off his t shirt and jeans and slipped on the gown, he turned around and let Harry tie up the two strings in the back while he slipped out of his boxers. He turned back around to face Harry. "Hey, look at me," Harry said and gently lifted Louis's chin to look him in the eyes. "You are going to be okay. I won't let anything bad happen to you, you're safe, I promise." He said, staring into his blue orbs pulled him in for a hug. "Thank you Haz, but thats not really a promise you can keep," Louis said into his chest. They hugged until they heard the knock on the door and Louis pulled back to open it. "You ready?" She asked and he nodded. Harry had folded his clothes and carried them out with him as Louis pulled his hand to follow.

"I can see your bum," Harry said as he and Louis followed the nurse down the hall. The nurse smiled as she heard and Louis just looked back to Harry with a blank face. He smiled and took a few large steps so he was next to Lou instead of behind him. "Relax boo," Harry told him quietly. "Shut up," Louis said as he was on edge and was not in the mood to talk. Harry grabbed his hand and Louis squeezed it tightly. "In here," The nurse stepped in front of them to open a door to a dark room on the left. She held the door open for them and they stepped in.

The large donut shaped machine looked very intimidating and Louis sucked in a breath. "Louis, hi. I'm your doctor, you can call me Doctor Conner. Katie and I here will be the ones taking the x-ray pictures and examining you," A man in a white jacket came over and pointed to the nurse they had previously met when he said Katie. "H-hi," Louis said. "Nervous are we? There's no need to be, it's completely safe, I'd say the hardest part is staying still," He smiles. "Yeah, he's not much one for hospitals," Harry spoke up for him. "And you must be Harry, Katie told me you'd be in here for the first bit," He said to Harry. "Yeah," He smiled back. "Okay, Louis take a seat in this chair right here, I'll go grab that drink for you," Doctor Conner said and walked to the back room connected to this one. Katie was working on the machine and setting it up.

The doctor came out with a cup and a bottle of something white in hand, "Katie, do you have his measurements?" He asked her and she nodded and handed him a piece of paper. He read over them and measured the correct amount before pouring it into the paper cup and handing it to Louis. "It may taste bad, or cause pressure in the chest, bladder, or head. Let us know if you experience anything along those lines okay?" The doctor looked at him.

Louis nodded and sat down in the chair against the window and next to the door. He looked at Harry and Harry squatted down next to him. Louis took a deep breath and tipped the cup back. It felt warm but cold at the same time, which confused Louis. He swallowed the last bit of it and handed it to Harry. "Would you like some water?" The nurse asked. Louis nodded. He glanced around the room trying to find where the doctor went and spotted him behind a large window that was connected to this room. It looked out onto the room and gave a straight view of the scanner. He figured it was where they would be standing while the x-rays were being done. The nurse came back and handed the cup to him and he quickly drank it all before handing that cup to Harry as well. "You okay?" Harry asked. "Yeah," Louis said and looked at him. Harry stood up and glanced around the room for the rubbage bin and once he spotted it, he tossed the cups in.

"Okay, you're feeling okay Louis?" Katie asked. "Yeah, um, my head hurts a bit more than it did," He told her. "That's normal, it'll subdued once the drink wears off," She said. "When will that be? When will it wear off?" Harry asked her. "It shouldn't last more than an hour," Harry nodded at her response. "Okay, let's have you come over here to the bed." She said and walked over to the machine.

Once Louis was next to her, he realized the bed wasn't really a bed at all. In fact, it was a hard, flat, metal surface with a sheet over it. His breath became short. "If you'll lay on it, I'll put this head cradle underneath your head and you can tell me how to make it more comfortable." Katie said and waited for him to lay down on it. Louis nodded and let go of Harry's hand that he knew he was squeezing so hard it probably hurt. He stiffly sat on the 'bed' and went to lay down, but he didn't set his head down. He awkwardly held it up until the nurse put the cradle under his head. "Okay, does it hurt your neck or back or anything?" She asked.

"I -uh.." He sucked in a deep breath. "I uh, um," He knew at this point it had turned into a full blown panic attack and tears welled in his eyes. He abruptly sat up and reached for Harry. Harry immediately got closer to him and pulled him into a hug. Louis felt the tears starting to roll down his cheeks as he wrapped his arms around Harry's waist. He gripped the back of Harry's t shirt in his fists. "Sh, Lou. You're okay, I know you know you are. You don't need to get yourself worked up, it's okay." Harry whispered into his ear. "No, no. No, what's going to happen to me.." He barely got out. It was so quiet he wasn't even sure if Harry had heard him. "Nothing is going to happen, you will be okay," Harry said. Louis then remembered that the nurse, and maybe even the doctor at this point, were watching and waiting. He pulled back even though he wasn't done crying and he was still having a panic attack.

He kept his left hand gripping Harry's shirt. The tears continued to fall down his cheeks and he kept trying to suck in short breaths, as that was all he could (barely) manage as he looked at Katie. Sure enough, Doctor Conner was stood next to them all now. "You know, the key to this is being calm, would you like a sedative that could help you calm down?" The doctor asked. Harry didn't take his eyes off Louis while the doctor spoke. "Uh... wha-what... would it, do?" He paused in between to breathe. "We normally use the sedative on children so they don't move as much but, if you are given the sedative you'll have to stay here until you are fully awake again and have eaten and drinken something to make sure everything is right. But I'm sure you'll be just fine," He said. Way to make Louis feel like a fucking child for having a panic disorder. He started crying a bit more at that realization and he looked to Harry. "It's your choice boo, we can stay after, we don't have anywhere we need to be." Harry told him and wiped away a few tears. "Do we ha-have to stay after?" Louis looked back at the doctor. "Well, no. But it is recommended." He said. "I'll take the s-sedative but we're leaving once I'm d-d-done," He still couldn't breathe.

The doctor looked at Katie and they shared a look but they went to get the sedative nonetheless. Louis turned back to Harry and grabbed him into another tight hug as he finished crying. Although he still wasn't breathing properly, he pulled away from Harry once he heard the doctor and nurse come back out of the back room. "Here is the sedative for you," The nurse handed him another paper cup and he quickly swallowed it all. "Okay, do you want to finish getting it comfortable?" Katie asked and pointed to the bed again. "Can we, just start?" He asked. "The sedative won't kick in for 10 minutes." She said to him. "I-I don't want to make it, comfortable I'll j-just wait," He said and went to sit back down in the chair by the door again. "Are you sure Louis? It's possible for you to be in there for up to 20 minutes," She says and he nods.

"You okay?" Harry asked. He was a bit confused on why Louis had just shut down being comfortable and was being so demanding, it wasn't like him. "I mean, besides the fucking p-panic attack I'm, having," He welled up again. Harry didn't say anything this time. He just picked Louis up and sat in the chair, setting Louis on his lap. Louis cried into his shoulder for a few minutes until he pulled away and said he didn't have any tears left even though he still wanted to cry. Harry pulled out his phone and let Louis play a skate game on it until his eyes started drooping with tired written on his face. "I think the sedative kicked in," Harry says loudly and Katie came over to them. "Louis? How are you feeling?" She asked. "Fine," He shrugged and stood up and walked over to the bed.

Harry followed and Louis lied down on the bed. "Okay, you're good? Ready to start?" Katie asked him. He looked at Harry and pulled him down to give him a kiss. Louis was still incredibly anxious but he pretended he wasn't. He hated himself for acting so childish over something so small, but he knew it wasn't his fault for acting this way and that there wasn't anything he could do about it. He looked at Katie and nodded. "I'm scared," He admitted. "It's okay," Harry said. "Okay Harry, I'm going to have to ask you to leave the room now please," Katie said and Louis watched Harry reluctantly walk out. Louis was worried and scared as hell, he knew he was just putting off the results. He closed his eyes out of fear that he'd start crying again and he felt the bed moving into the machine.

He could tell the lights had been turned off as it got a bit darker, but not much because the machine had lights on the inside. "Okay Louis, we're going to start it now, try to stay as still as possible," He heard Katie say through the speakers. He sat for a minute until he heard a loud buzzing, almost-sounds-like-wind white noise. After a few minutes he started hearing random clicks and he began getting claustrophobic. He sucked in a sharp breath through a wide open mouth and he forced himself not to pick at his cuticles. "Louis, can I have you hold your breath for 12 seconds?" He heard. He nodded and held it, counting up to 12 before blowing out. "Great, just a few more minutes, you're doing good," She said again. He sat, very impatiently, waiting for this to end.

4 minutes later he felt the bed moving out and he immediately felt better. The bed stopped and he opened his eyes and sat up. The doctor and nurse came out of the glass room and Katie turned on the light. "You did perfect, how are you feeling? Your a bit flushed," Doctor Conner said. "I started to get c-claustrophobic, a-and I'm still anxious," Louis said, explaining the pale skin. "Can I-I go?" Louis asked. "Yes, but first we're going to have to have you sign this paper saying you can't sue us if anything happens because you left before we recommended," He said and reached his hand out to the nurse who handed him a clipboard. "O-okay," He said and just very quickly skimmed over it. Just as he was about to sign his name, Harry came in after the nurse said he could. "Are you sure you want to leave?" Harry asked him. "I-I don't want to be here anymore," Louis said and signed it before standing up.

Harry kept his arm around Louis's waist, holding him up as he was still tired and almost even loopy from the sedative. He was half asleep when they got to the car and Harry put him in the passenger seat before reaching into Louis's jeans to find the keys. He started the car and made the 25 minute journey back home.

But 10 minutes into the drive, after Louis had fallen asleep, someone ran a red light, causing Harry to slam on his breaks so he didn't hit him. "Are you fucking kidding me?!" He yelled. "Fucking bastard, what the fuck is your goddamn problem!" Harry flipped him off. Louis woke up at the yelling and horns honking. "Wha-what happened Harry?" He groggily sat up straight from where he was laying his head against the window. "Fuck," was all Harry responded with. "Haz, what happened?" Louis asked again. "Ethan, god." He corrected Louis. "I've been with you for a year and you still don't even fucking know when I've changed, fucking fag. This is why I hate gays," Ethan spat. Louis was hurt, but he knew it wasn't Harry, he knew he didn't /actually/ mean it. "Ethan, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I didn't know it was you, but.. Harry get's mad too. Not every time Harry is mad it means he's you, I'm sorry okay?" Louis looked at him. "Just go back to sleep," Ethan demanded. "But Etha-" Louis began. "Just fucking go back to sleep god your giving me a goddamn headache!" He yelled and slammed his hands on the steering wheel. Louis turned his head to stare out the window as he felt a few tears fall down his cheeks.

'When am I gonna stop crying all the damn time I'm tired of this shit' Louis sent to Niall.

Niall: 'Whats wrong mate ?'

Louis: 'Just got back from the hospital and ethan hates me and yelled at me'

Niall: 'why were you at the hospital. are you guys okay'

Louis: 'yeah, were fine, i mean i guess we are, i'll tell you why later' Louis didn't want to explain it right now.

Niall: 'You wanna come over ?'

Louis: 'i dont think you want to be around me and ethan, he'll probably just yell at me the whole time'

Niall: 'just you come'

Louis: '..you know i never leave him alone, i dont want him to hurt himself, especially if he's ethan,'

Niall: 'he'll be okay, i'll have someone check onhim, or have him invite someone over'

Louis: 'who the hell is he supposed to invite over he doesn't really have any friends'

Niall: 'i can have one of the girls from the other night go hangout with him?'

Louis: 'im not even supposed to drive i was just given a sedative and left the hospital before i was recommended, in half asleep'

Niall: 'ill pick you up and drop off one of the girls, freya ? he talked to her in the car, she was sat next to him and jake'

Louis: 'i thought it was maisie he was next to'

Niall: 'no it was freya, ill call her'

Louis: 'can you be the one to tell ethan, i dont want to he'll just get mad at me' Louis sent with the rolling eye emoji.

They pulled up to their house and Louis immediately hopped out of the car. He unlocked the front door and went straight into their bathroom to jump in the shower, and he never did this but he made sure to lock the bathroom door because he just did not want to deal with Ethan right now. Especially if Niall was going to be telling him soon.

When Louis got out of the shower, he stepped into their bedroom with just a towel, as he'd been in such a rush to get in the shower, he forgot to grab clean clothes. He quickly put them on before Ethan would enter the room and walked out. He was surprised when he saw Niall, Harry, and a girl who he recognized as Freya, sitting at the kitchen island. "Oh, hey. Uh, how long was I in the shower for?" Louis asked and looked at the time on his phone. They'd spent about an hour at the hospital and it was now 5, meaning his shower had been roughly 45 minutes long. "Freya and Ethan are gonna hangout for a bit, you wanna get out of here and chill?" Niall asked him. He nodded and flicked his wet fringe out of his eyes with his fingers.

Louis walked over to the door and slipped on his Adidas Supras. "I'll see you later Ethan," Louis said. "Yeah," He mumbled just watching him.

***

Once they were in the car and had decided to just go to Niall's and hangout there, Niall asked Louis, "So you gonna tell me why you lads were at the hospital?" "Oh, yeah," Louis began and briefly explained it, not going into detail at all. "Shit, well I hope you're okay mate. I'd kind of expected you guys had gone for something having to do with Harry not you," Niall said and pulled into his garage, it was a short ride because they both lived in London and not far from each other at all. "Makes sense that you'd think that, but i was the on that got the sedative, I thought I told you that?" Louis asked. "Oh yeah, I forgot you said that," Niall remembered. Louis opened the door, getting out of the car and letting himself into Niall's place.

"You want anything?" Niall asked, following Louis into the kitchen where Louis sat on one of the barstools. "I wouldn't mind a beer, but I'm not going to get drunk," Louis said. Niall opened the fridge and grabbed two, and handed one to Louis. "What should we do?" Louis asked him, taking a sip of his beer. "Wanna watch the Manchester vs Liverpool football game? It's on in an hour," Niall said. "Okay," Louis stood up and walked to the glass door that looked out over Niall's backyard. "When did you get a trampoline?" Louis asked him. "Oh, well since I've been watching my nephew a bit more recently, usually at least once a week and he usually stays here for more than one night, I bought it so he'd have a little something more to do." Niall said.

Louis opened the sliding door and set his beer down on a table on the patio before walking out to the tramp. He pulled up his jeans before slipping off his shoes, leaving them on the grass and climbing onto the tramp. He started jumping and turned to see Niall standing next to the tramp watching him. "Can you do any tricks?" Louis asked in between jumps "I can do a front flip, but I land on my arse." Niall shook his head, laughing. "I thought you were tired from the sedative, I half expected you to fall asleep?" Niall chuckled. "I am, but it's starting to wear off a bit," Louis shrugged. "What do you wanna see me do?" Louis continued. "I don't know, what's the coolest thing you can do?" Niall looked at him. Louis thought for a minute before doing a cartwheel on the tramp with no hands "Sick, what's that called? Also where the hell did you learn how to do that?" Niall stabled his beer in the grass and climbed on as well. "My mum bought a tramp just after she had Fizzy and once Fiz and Lottie were old enough they were in dance and gymnastics, they taught me after they learned. Until I turned 17 I was on the tramp with them pretty much everyday," Louis shrugged. "Can you teach me something?" Niall asked. Louis stopped jumping and stood, "Like what?" He breathed. "I don't know.. how bout we start with you just teaching me how to do a front flip without landing on my ass. I wouldn't mind being able to actually land on my feet," Niall laughed. "Okay," Louis laughed with him.

***

Louis and Niall were watching the last 5 minutes of the football match, even though they both new Liverpool was the winner. "Hey, did you text Harry when I asked?" Louis looked at Niall. "Yeah, I asked him what he was doing and he said 'not enjoying her company she's irritating'" Niall quoted and laughed. "What time did you text him?" Louis asked. "I texted him at 7 and he responded and 7.12," It was now just after 9. "Can you take me home after the game is done?" Louis asked and swallowed the last sip of his 3rd beer as Niall nodded.

"Do you think he's still awake?" Niall asked Louis once they were in the car on their way. "I don't know, he doesn't usually go to bed this early so probably," Louis shrugged. "Do you think he's still Ethan?" Niall questioned again. "I'd like to think if he was Harry he would have texted me, but.." Louis trailed off. "You could text Freya and ask her, if he's awake or if he's still Ethan," Niall suggested but Louis just shrugged. "But is Ethan still mad at you?" Niall just didn't stop with the questions, and normally Louis would be annoyed but he was close to being tipsy, so it didn't bother him. "Probably, Ethan doesn't even like me when he's /not/ mad at me," Louis rolled his eyes, annoyed at the thought of Ethan being so grumpy all the time. "I think you need to talk to Harry about how this is all effecting you Lou, it's putting a strain on your guys' relationship. And it's taking a lot out of you, you need to be healthy too, not just Harry." Niall stated. "I'm okay, I am healthy, I mean besides whatever is happening with the hospital. I'm happy and healthy," Louis said, but the second he said he was happy, he felt his mouth falter. "Louis," Niall gave him a look. Louis tried to smile at him assuringly but he felt his eyes well up.

"I'm sick of crying Nialler, thanks mate," Louis said sarcastically and went to wipe his eyes before the tears fell. "Sorry.. but you know I'm right, you need to tell him, so he can help you and so he can start working on the little things that will help," Niall strongly stated. "Niall.. How the hell am I supposed to tell the person, I love the most, that something he's out of control of, is tearing me apart? How am I supposed to do that to him?" Louis's mouth was thick almost as if he was actually crying, but he didn't really have any tears left in him, and what he did, he refused to let out.

Niall opened his mouth to say something, but couldn't think of anything to say. "I can't do that to him, I can't I can't," Louis shook his head. "Louis, like you just said, it's tearing you apart, he needs to at least know." Niall looked at him as they sat at a red light. Louis furiously shook his head again, staring out the window to ignore Niall's eyes. "What if I'm there when you tell him, or or.. I can tell him for you? You have to be with us, but.." Niall sighs, "He needs to know,"

Niall pressed the gas as the light turned green and Louis kept quiet for the 2 minutes they had left of the drive. "Not tonight," Louis said once Niall pulled into the driveway. He took off his seat belt, opening the door, and getting out. "Thank you, for the ride, and for everything." Louis said sincerely, looking at Niall. "Text me if you need anything. Let me know how he is, when you get in there." Niall said and he watched Louis nod before shutting the car door and stalking up to his door, and he waited for Freya to come out.

Louis slipped off his shoes, before walking to the bedroom, where he found the both of them outside on the terrace, playing scrabble. "Uh, hi guys," Louis faked a smile and took off his jacket, setting on the back of the couch. They looked at him and Freya stood up, "Oh, is Niall here?" "Yeah," Louis nodded. "Well then, I guess I better go," Freya glanced between Ethan and Louis who hadn't said anything to each other. "I uh, I'll walk you out, I wanna say hey to Niall," Ethan stood up as well. Louis stepped out of the door way of the sliding door so Freya and Ethan could pass.

Louis turned his head and watched Ethan walk out, not even acknowledging Louis at all. Louis turned back to the table on the terrace and went to clean up the game.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have a whole list of reasons/excuses why it took me so long to update but I'm not even going to begin them, so anyways i hope you like this chapter, also if any of you don't mind giving kudos or commenting so i get more feed back or know if anyone actually likes this fic so far??? ok byyyeeeee ily -bella


	8. chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: FIRST OF ALL, I'm so so sorry it took me so long to update. but yeah this chapter is kind of short and I'm sorry about that but i really hope i'll update soon, I'm gonna try to. now on to the important stuff: ********* PLEASE READ THIS ******** this is a self harm trigger warning, and i put a mark in the chapter right before so that you can skip it if you want but because i know that a lot of you would read it even if it could trigger you, i tried to make it as little triggering as possible so its pretty short and i didn't dig into the feelings a lot as those can be the most triggering part, but pls be careful reading this I would hate for any of you to be in a danger to yourself, also if you ever need to talk you can dm me on twitter my dms are open and i know everyone says that you can talk to them but i truly mean it. (my twitter is paynesfeminst) so yeah, i love you guys pls vote and comment -bella

When Louis heard the front door shut for the second time, signaling that Ethan was back in the house, he sat down on his side of the bed, reaching for his phone charger and plugging it in. He sighed and just sat for a few minutes, waiting for Ethan to come into the room. After 5 minutes, Louis heard the tv in the living room switch on and he decided to be the one to initiate conversation. 

"How was your night Ethan?" Louis asked, looking at him as he scanned the channels. "Fine," Is all he says, not bothering to look up from the tv. "Well.. what did you guys do?" Louis pushed. "Nothing," Ethan was being very monotone. "Ethan, I'm trying to be nice to you after how rude you were to me, can't you at least give me a little bit more than two words?" Louis exasperated. "I just don't have anything to say to fags," Ethan spat out, finally looking towards Louis. "Why are you being so fucking rude?! You do realize you're gay too, right?" Louis shouted and stormed back into the bedroom, locking the door behind him. 

Once again, he refused to let the tears fall. He sucked in a breath and turned on the tv to help distract his mind from what just happened. He walked into the bathroom where he brushed his teeth and splashed water on his face before opening the cabinet and taking two melatonins to help him fall asleep faster. 

*SELF HARM WARNING*

The moment Louis had told Ethan he was gay, he filled with anger and rage. Obviously Ethan knew Harry was gay, but he very much liked to pretend he didn't, and when it was brought up, it tended to trigger him. After Louis had left the living room Ethan had felt his eyes get heavy with tears and his hands start to shake. He clenched his fists to stop them and he turned his head back towards the tv, trying to distract himself for a few minutes while he made sure Louis didn't come back out. And after five minutes, he decided Louis wouldn't be coming back out tonight. He walked over to one of his jackets, reaching into one of the pockets and pulling out a lighter. He also walked to the kitchen and pulled out a butter knife, before he made his way to the bathroom next to the spare room. 

He locked the door behind him. He sank against the door as he let the tears fall rapidly down his face. He held out the lighter, swiping his thumb to light it, watching it flicker for a few seconds before holding it over the knife to warm it. He watched with blurry eyes til part of the knife turned black from the flame. He let out a sob as he set down the lighter before quickly pressing the flat side of the hot knife to his arm. He bit his lip as it burned but refused to let his arm pull away. He did this once more before setting both objects on the sink and lazily walked out to the guest bed and plopped down onto it. He cried himself to sleep as he thought about how much he hated who he was. 

*END TW*

***

Louis woke up with a headache. He groaned as the sound of his alarm blaring made his head throb. He threw back the covers and remembered all of yesterdays happenings, deciding to go find Ethan, or whoever it will be. He rubbed his eyes as he walked out to the lounge but he didn't see Ethan on the couch. He stopped to get a glass of water, figuring Ethan had gone to sleep in one of the spare rooms. As he sipped on the cold water he heard Ethan's phone ring, but it sounded far too loud for it to be in the spare rooms. He glanced around trying to find it and saw it sitting on the table by the sofa and he picked it up. "Hello Michael," Louis tried to sound more awake then he was. "Rough night?" Michael asked, Louis could practically hear the smile in his voice. "A bit," Louis replied. "Where's Harry? Asleep?" "Uh, yeah. I was about to go wake him up," Louis yawned. "Good go do that, I want him hear as soon as he can be, we've got a lot to do what with Fashion Week coming up," Michael chirped. "Right, yeah I'll go wake him and have him call you?" It came out as a question. "Sounds right," Michael said and ended the call. 

"Hey, wake up," Louis stood next to the bed. He didn't dare touch him in fear of it being Ethan. "Mmph," He heard from behind the pillow covering his face. "Michael wants you to call him," Louis figured now was not the time to talk through last night. Harry moved the pillow from his face. "Is that water for me?" He asked pointing to it with his right hand. "Uh, sure," Louis handed it to him. He gulped it all and set it down on the table to his right. "Here," Louis handed him his phone where it was already ringing Michael. "Harry!" Louis heard Michael yell. Harry winced and pulled the ear from his phone, "Too loud Mike," He groaned. "That's Michael," He corrected him. Harry smirked, he always liked to nag him by calling him Mike. 

Harry ended the call after chatting with Michael. He grabbed the glass of water and passed his phone to his left hand. "Harry!!" Louis screeched, causing him to jump. "Jesus, what?" He clutched the cup tighter. When Louis didn't say anything, he followed his eyes to where he was staring at Harry's left forearm, the two large marks very obvious. He felt last night flash before his eyes and immediately pulled his arm back to hide them. "Harry," He looked at Louis who had the saddest look on his face, it actually pained him to see it. "I, I," Was all Harry could muster. "Harry why would you do that?" Louis's eyes pricked with tears. "I, uh.. Now's really not the time Lou, I have to get ready for work, and so do you." Harry said and stood up, walking out of the room. 

Louis walked into the bathroom, where Harry was currently in the shower. "Harry, we need to talk about this," He stated, leaning against the sink. Harry wasn't sure if he meant last night in general, or the burns, but he knew it had to be talked about it anyway, so he might as well suck it up and get it over with. He didn't respond though, he just continued washing the shampoo out of his hair, and if he was being honest, the soap and water running over the freshly opened wounds /killed/. "Why did you feel the need to hurt yourself Haz?" Louis softened his voice. Harry immediately wanted out of this conversation and if there were anyway for him to never have it, he would take it. "I.. uh, I just hated myself, I don't know." He stumbled over his words, what was he supposed to say? "Well, what about yourself do you hate? We should try and lessen it, or see if theres a reason why you hate it," Lou sympathized. "It's because of my DID that I hate myself, theres nothing we can do to fix it," He held back the groans of pain as he would accidentally hit his arm against his head or body. 

***

They had only very briefly talked about it before Harry had said it was enough. And now as Louis sat at the kitchen table eating the last few bites of his cheese toastie, all he wanted to do was know how Harry was feeling, how he was feeling last night and also right now and just in general. Louis didn't want to pressure Harry into telling him, he wouldn't be that boyfriend, but that didn't mean it wasn't aching at him to know. "I'm gonna head to work now," Harry came out of their bedroom and into the kitchen. "Okay," Louis said, he grabbed a banana from the bowl on the counter and spun around in his chair, handing it to Harry. Harry smiled at him. Things were a bit awkward between them, which was weird, but it wasn't too bad, they both knew it'd pass soon enough. "Have a good day, Lou." Harry pressed a kiss to the top of Louis's head. Louis smiled tightly and nodded, and right after he cursed himself for making that 20 times more awkward. "Uh, Haz." Louis stated as Harry started opening the front door. Louis quickly got up and gave him a soft kiss on the lips, hoping it would make up for the previous. "Have a good day too," Louis said. Harry nodded and left. 

Louis sighed and quickly cleared his plate before heading out to work himself. 

***

Louis pulled out his keys and unlocked the door to his studio. He heard the door slam shut behind him as he pulled up his sweats that were sagging and walked over to where a head bust he'd started a few weeks ago was. He softly touched it just to make sure it was completely dry and he carefully carried it over to his working table. He started some music and pulled out some red paint. He debated on using a brush or his hands and ultimately decided his hands would make it look messier, which was exactly what he wanted. He dipped both of his hands in the red paint and carefully moved over to the bust and let the scoop of paint in his fingertips settle into the eye sockets before watching it run down the cheeks. 

That's what he was in the middle of doing when he heard his phone ringing on the next table over. "Shit," He stated. He quickly walked over to the speaker and used his wrists to pause the music before scrambling back over to the phone. He bent down and used his nose to press answer and to set it on speaker, smiling to himself for that working so well. 

"Hello?" He answered. "Louis Tomlinson?" He heard a man ask with a strong American accent. "Yeah, that's me," Louis stated. "Hello, I'm Eric Kripke, producer of Supernatural a CW original," Louis felt his draw drop. "I've heard about you from your friend Geoff Redknapp, he's showed me some of the SFX makeups you've done in the past few days, said you just started?" He continues. "Yeah, Geoff just introduced SFX makeup to me, I've been really into it lately," Louis states back. "There was one he showed me that really stuck out, in fact it's exactly what we've been looking for, I'd love if you could come on set next week and recreate it on some of our actors." Eric informs. Louis was shocked, he'd never gotten a gig this big. "Yeah, of course! Think I could recreate it, sounds like a sick job." Louis said, and right after he wasn't sure if he'd made a mistake in choosing the words he did. He heard Eric laugh, which helped reassure him. "Right, you have your business email in your instagram bio and Geoff gave me your instagram so I'll be emailing you very soon about everything, if you could reply as soon as possible that would be great," He stated. "Okay, I can definitely do that," Louis smiled. "Alright, Thankyou Mr.Tomlinson," Eric finished. "Thank you," Louis said before he heard the line cut off. 

He turned around and gasped at what just happened. He quickly dialed Harry's number.

***

"Ayee!!!" Harry yelled as he popped open the champagne. He'd picked it up on his way home, he figured he and Lou needed a night of relaxing after the past few days. He poured two glasses of it and handed one to Louis. "Congrats on getting a gig this big," Harry smiled at him and knocked their glasses together. Louis smiled sheepishly against the rim of his glass before tipping his head back and taking as much as he could in one go. 

"I like that you called it a gig," Louis says with a grin. "Well if I had called it a job you would have said it was only a gig," Harry says back with a pointed look. "Probably true," Louis responded. "So what did you work on today?" Harry changes the subject. "I finished up that bust I was working on a few weeks ago-" Louis began. "The one you decided to cover in blood?" Harry chuckled. "Yes." Lou laughed, "But for the record I didn't /cover/ it in blood, just put it in the eyes. You wanna see? You'll probably hate it," Louis laughed loudly as he pulled out his phone and opened the picture. "I won't hate it, I just don't like blood," Harry said and looked over Louis's shoulder to see it. "It's not even fake blood, its just paint." Louis says. "I actually really /really/ like it. You didn't overpower it with the blood either, which people tend to do." Harry states. "You mean /I/ tend to do," Louis juts his hip into Harry's. "A bit," Harry laughs. "You're gonna hate it if I turn into an sfx artist, with you hating blood and all." Louis locks his phone and sets it on the kitchen table. Harry grimaces but only jokingly. "It's okay, I'll only show you the fake gore all the time." Louis smirks. "I'll get used to it eventually," Harry shrugs. "Yeah I'm sure you will," Louis sasses out. "But to be honest, I just really don'y understand being grossed out by the fake gore." He continued. "That's because you're behind it. Seeing it go from a regular arm to being cut up when you're the one doing the makeup, isn't gross. It's like if you were filming a horror movie, it wouldn't be scary until you watch it as a whole thing." Harry stated. "But I don't get grossed out by other gore in movies, even ones I didn't make." Louis gave him a confused look. "It's still the same thing, you know how it's made, you know that it's not real." "You know the gore is fake in movies, your not stupid." Louis tried making a point. "You don't get it, you know how it's made so it's just not gross to you." Harry laughed, tired of trying to explain it. "I still don't get it!" Louis yelled. Harry just smiled and shook his head. 

Louis watches Harry walk out of the kitchen and to the connecting living room. "Why'd you leave?!" Louis yells. Harry just ignores him and bends down to open Basil's cage and taking her out of it. He carried her over to the kitchen and stood next to Louis. He set her down on the counter and started petting her. Louis just stared for a minute before gaping. "What?" Harry said when he noticed the look on Louis's face. "Are you okay?" Louis asked confused. "Why wouldn't I be?" Harry questioned back. "You just set a dirty animal on the kitchen counter where we prepare and eat our food," Louis explained. "We can just clean it," Harry replied. "Where has my Harry gone?" Louis joked. Harry rolled his eyes but Louis saw the smile he was hiding. "Make sure she stays here, I'm gonna get some lettuce." Harry stepped away from the counter and to the fridge.

"Hi Basil, oh you're so cute, I like you're cute button nose." Louis said as he bent down to be eye level with her. "Oi! Haz you just bumped me into her and scared her," Louis claimed after Harry had bent down to find the lettuce and hit his bum against Louis's. "Don't scare her! It's not nice," Harry frowned up at him. Louis just glared at him. "Here, feed her this lettuce, it's so cute watching her eat it." Harry handed it to him and watched as Louis held it in front of her face. She started nibbling it. "Aw look at her nose wiggle when she eats!" Louis screeched. "I know, it's so-" Harry was cut off by Louis's phone ringing next to him on the table. 

"Here," Louis handed the piece of lettuce to Harry and grabbed his phone. He pressed answer as he took a few steps and leaned against the cupboards. "Hello?" 

"Hi, Louis Tomlinson?" A man asked. "Yeah," Louis replied. "It's Doctor Conner," He hears the man say. "Oh? I thought you weren't supposed to call for a few more days?" "Yes well, we got your results back sooner than expected." Louis feels his throat close, terrified of what was about to come. Louis looks up and sees Harry watching him with curious eyes. He turned and walked around the corner to avoid his stares. "Um, okay," He didn't know what else to reply with. "Right, your results show you have very mild internal bleeding, in the brain. It's called Intracranial Hematoma. Usually caused by being hit in the head with something, do you remember that happening any time within the last few months? It doesn't always start right away and the symptoms can take a while to start showing up." He says. Louis didn't really know what to say, what to do. All he knew was he felt like vomiting, maybe it was the shock, maybe it was the fact that he was internally bleeding and had been nauseous for a week straight, but for a moment, he thought he'd have to run to the bathroom. He held it down and opened his mouth, "No, no, I told the first doctor we- I saw, I don't remember ever hitting my head and neither does my boyfriend." "Hm, okay. Well I guess we don't need to worry about that too much, the main point is that with internal bleeding, we need to keep a close eye on you. As of right now, you're okay. With how little blood it is, you should be able to get better with just an antibiotic. If any symptoms don't stop or worsen, you should let us know as soon as possible so we can get you checked out." He says. 

At this point Louis was trying his very best to hold in his tears, but the second Harry walked into the hallway he felt them spill over. "Okay," Was all Louis managed to get out before the doctor started talking again. "So I can get some antibiotics sent to your pharmacy and you can pick them up." He asked. "Uh, um, yeah okay." Louis stutters, Harry was stood next to him wiping away the continuous tears, even not knowing why he was crying, he was the best boyfriend Louis could ever ask for. But god, Louis felt like he never stopped crying anymore. Why was he even crying, he knew everything would be okay. "Okay, do you have any questions you'd like me to answer?" Doctor Conner finished. "No but, thank you, I'll uh, I'll let you know if anything gets worse." Louis said. "Okay, Louis." He hung up.

Louis pulled the phone away from his tear stained cheek. "What's happened, love?" Harry asks, looking him in the eyes. "Uh, it was Doctor Conner," Louis began. He saw fear flash in Harry's eyes and noticed his face drop a bit. "I, I, He said it was Intracranial Hem.. something. Like, I got hit in the head or something and theres, theres internal bleeding, in m head.." Louis felt his hands shaking with fear. "But, he said I'll be okay, h-he's gonna get me on some antibiotics that should help, and if my symptoms don't get worse than I'll slowly, get better. But that was so terrifying," Louis barely got the last few words out before he was sobbing. "Oh, Lou." Harry whispered. He pulled him in for a hug and let him cry into his chest.

**Author's Note:**

> my twitter is @paynesfeminist


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